I Have No Words To Say Lord Poem by Nenia Arnaiz Dulom

Oh God in Your generous mercy and sovereign power that I am alive
You cause things to happen in mysterious ways and in surprise
My suffering, difficulties, loads of troubles and buckets of tears
Could not stop me from praising, worshiping, and saying my thanks
How can I cease oh Lord, You know that not even in my death bed
You witness and You heard how my heart and mind sing while I suffer!

Oh God my Creator, You know that I long to see You when my eyes are finally closed
You draw Your image in my heart and mind as if I face You all the time and always
You often invade my dreams and there You try to show me something I could not understand
You have shown me heaven like a palace of gold and precious gems and light so brilliant
You have shown me hell so dark and smells like sulfuric stench
I even heard faint voices in the sea of smoke and fire that is incessant!

You have shown me people and places and events
Some I knew and familiar, some are living and some are dead
I have seen myself among the birds flying and floating and on the clouds
Not once but few times when I was unconscious and near my death
And just the other night I dreamt of You again
A swirl of wind and gloomy clouds lift me up in heaven!

In a praying pose and with my eyes that are closed
The clouds swiftly swirl me up as I stood
Behind the dark clouds there was a mass of white and bright clouds
I have heard Your thunderous yet gentle voice spoke
I asked You if I am dead or about to die at that point
You told me no and not yet for I have a mission to take on!

The clouds swirl me down on the ground as I stood
Still in praying pose and stance and with eyes that are closed
On the ground, at no particular place, no specific time and event
I saw crowd of people again, living and dead
Some are familiar faces, some are acquaintances and some are kin
But I do not know the meaning of all of these!


Lord God I do not possess any knowledge of You than my childlike faith
I have no credence to back me up but my strong belief in You that I keep
Yes Lord I have read the Bible from top to bottom and front and back more than once
But that is not enough to support any claim of capability or knowledgability to brag
I am not even a novice or preschooler to embark in something about deity or God
So how can I explain to myself and interpret the meaning of what You have said!

I only know is my simple prayer and my unmethodical kind of praising and worship
How can I grasp and decipher the meaning of all these dreams
They are beyond my knowledge and human intellect to interpret
If the mission You have said is about the situations and affairs that I have to fix
Then You know that I am ready and prepared to go on board and embark
And I am on that route as we speak!

If it is Your will then You must be on the lead
I will sit at Your side and will let You chauffeur and maneuver all events
For I know the journey to that goal is not easy and full of challenges
But as You take charge and detour me to where You want
Let me sing to You a string of lullabies and rhymes
Of worships and praises, and thanksgiving from my heart!

The undying love Your child who died and become alive
Because of Your great love and everlasting compassion to us humans
Because of Your faithfulness to Your promise from old times and beyond
Oh Lord turn those praises into living fire of incense
Make the Holy Smoke be delighted and appeased
Oh Lord transform these solemn adoration into breathing words so vibrant!

Fill this paper and ink with pulsating Spirit so alive
Let each letter jumps with joy for they are use to Your purpose
Let this be an atonement of my transgressions and failures in life
May these chains of cadence of words and terms be pleasing to You oh God
May the unworthiness be turned into valuable and meaningful utterance
Let Your Spirit dwell in every word and phrases of this sonnet of love!

The love I thought was killed and died within my chest
But You know it grew with me and enlarged like a giant
They suppressed it and killed it, but it survived
For You sustain it with Your power and strength
You nourish and feed it to outlast the harshness and strife
Yes Lord it survives the repeated episode of heartaches!

But the needs for Your help and sustenance
Do not end at the foot of the mountains I climbed
Or at the tip of the slopes I was able to conquer and descend
For I am always at Your mercy and subjected to Your concern
For nothing I could rely on more steadfast and dependable as You
No one could parallel to Your faithfulness and truth!

At this hour I have no words to say that is mine
For You have used the words to say what You want them to say
The words are Yours to employ for Your glory and honor
I do not have anything that is mine
Even if I try to make one
Everything is Yours and Yours alone, oh Lord!
I could only say, Amen!