I Know You Must Go Poem by Lauren Kjar

On this journey you never expected to have a companion on
A young woman lost in a girl
Suddenly at your side, when she can be
Now that you're gone
The things I miss most
Well they make me chuckle and cry
Your giants hoodie and your bed
A little too small for us both but so comfortable
Your car, a plastic toy I want to play with now
Turkey, avocado and Swiss omelets
Watching you fall asleep or fake it better then I ever could

And there are always the obvious things
Your hands on my face as you kiss me softly
Gentle movements that build to roaring engines
Our tongues dancing
As if they've been partners for years
Your strength when you wanted me only tempered by
Your inability to forget to protect me

I even miss the awkwardness we shared
When I was drowning and you refused to go down with me

I keep thinking about the morning you told me
I was listening to that Fionn Regan song you hated
'It's so depressing honey'
How it didn't really sink into me
The words, what it meant
You tried to hold me, ask me to join you
I remember how much it meant to me to feel you trying to comfort me
And how much I wanted to tell you
'don't comfort me yet, it hasn't hit me yet. I don't feel anything yet'
But I couldn't and your arms felt so safe
From all the things I knew I was about to collide into

Know that I will be okay
I'll get thru this
All of this
That is my life right now

You are so amazing in your disbelief
You want me to see the beautiful talented women I am
And I will
And one day you'll understand why
Even though young attractive men were waiting for my call
As you said once
I only wanted you
The man that forced me to be strong for myself
That man that couldn't ignore his love for me
Though he tried for awhile
The man who fit inside me, made me rage in a way I only dreamed about doing

I love you my dear
And so you must go
One day I'll feel you again
No matter if our touch still burns each other or if it's fizzled
I'll cry
Feeling so lucky and changed
To have been loved and cherished
By this amazing man
That Touched me far past my skin

I love you with all my heart.
And I miss you everyday