I Live On In Pain Poem by Aplier Hao

I'm suicidal
And yet I cant die
I wont lose myself
No matter how hard I try

I promised to her
I'd never kill me
So life I deter
In misery

I walk through the halls
I hear my fate's calls
It's too much to bear
I hold on by a hair

Why did life have to be so hard
Why did I lay out all of my cards
Why did I make my biggest mistake
Why did I not give and try to take

Now other people are controlling her life
With intentions other than whats best for her
If she gets hurt it will cause quite a strife
I know what will happen, the future I infer

I may already be too late
To keep her from losing it all cause of hate
I know that for other things I was too soon
But this time, it will be a monsoon

Feelings are flying all over the place
Those who throw 'em around dont see their drink's laced
There's one poison that I'm thinking of
It's the terrible thing that we call 'love'

There's more to love than just respect
It can be much more than you'd expect
I've thought and I've talked and still dont know
Half of the feelings that love can show

I am slowly trying to heal
Yet new wounds form that I can not staunch
The pain is greater than anyone should feel
I think I would rather stand under a rocket ship launch

I'd go to the ends of earth and beyond
I'd go find the edge of the universe
I'd swim through deep waters to the island you're on
If once again in your heart I can be immersed

I gave you much more than I've kept for myself
Knowing it's not enough for me to continue
You've thrown it all away thinking 'what else'
Yet you said our love will always be true

You said I could cry on your shoulder any time
And that you would never push me away
Yet now I cant talk, I can only rhyme
I've wanted to take you up on that offer many a day

Yet others have lied and claimed you they'd protect
When really all that they do is make you reject
And they fill your heart with false feelings
They're keeping you away from healing

They've poisoned your chalice
They've poisoned your mind
They are full of malice
Just wait and you'll find

I care only of what's best for you
No matter how much of me I screw
You were my world, my everything
Although you wont admit it your voice is great when you sing

You've sung me to sleep and forever I'll lie
Knowing that if I wake without you I'll die

I still have some secrets but they are triv[ial]
I'd like to see my blood red
But I have to live
Knowing I'd rather be dead