I'm Offended! Poem by David Welch

I'm offended by ‘ski slope, '
they should be ‘ski inclines, '
they're insulting Asian people,
have those fools lost their minds?

I'm offender by ‘Black' Russians,
when made by pale people,
I'm offended by ‘cow' boys,
for excluding the bulls!

I'm offended by those who will
mock diversity,
the world would be much better off
if more folks thought like me!

I'm offended by gun owners
who protect their own lives,
it's unfair that they show such strength,
when I can't protect mine!

I'm offended some gay people
realize they're really straight,
why did we even give them choice
if they were going that way?

I'm offended by fast food joints
that serve children French fries,
and when they change to apple slices
I'm offended my kids cry!

I'm offended by the government,
oh wait—now we're in charge?
Then I hate the fools who protest us,
who do they think they are? !

I'm offended by those women
who take their husband's name,
but happy when husbands take hers,
that just makes my whole day.

I'm offended when I hear people
say judge by ‘what's inside, '
don't these fools know it's bigotry
to ignore someone's hide?

I'm mad at those not offended,
don't they know it's currency?
And that there isn't a person
more offended than me?

I take offense at the right things,
and that must make me rich,
poor folks always hate their betters,
that's why they moan and bitch!

Do not tell me how the world works
when I want things mended,
you're why we have no utopia,
damnit, I'm offended!