I Want To Be An Essex Driver Poem by John Wathen

I want to be an Essex driver
and drive my car so fast
and leave others in my slipstream
as I go tearing past

I want to be an Essex driver
and ignore the Highway code
never mind the traffic signs
I think I own the road

I want to be an Essex driver
and ignore NO PARKING signs
and park just where I want to
on double yellow lines

I want to be an Essex driver
and stand out from the crowd
driving down the High Street
with my music blaring loud

But I cant be an Essex driver
and here's the reason why
I couldn't match the criteria
my I.Q. is to high.

So I booked an hospital appointment
for some surgery
and a consultant to perform it
a full frontal lobotomy

I know its rather drastic
but I can stand the pain
cause to be an Essex driver
you just need half a brain.