I Want To Cry Poem by Nim Lee

I want to cry
I want to shout to yell to scream to howl
I want to fling my arms out to tear at my hair to beat my breast
to fall to the ground and kick my heels into mother earth
To flop about like a fish on the muddy ground
Ripping and soiling my clothes
Throwing myself about wildly madly
Careless…

If I did that, what would they do?

Wrap me in blankets, hold me in their arms, murmur comfort in my ear, show me love? …

Dial 999, call the police /the ambulance, lock me in a cell, or a ward,
close me away where no-one would be embarrassed by my unseemly behaviour? …

Pretend they hadn’t noticed, pass me by with their eyes turned aside
Until I, passion spent, picked myself up from the ground,
And scurried back home shamefaced and downcast in the twilight? …

Kick me throw water over me steal my shoes and shout abuse? …

So I don’t do any of that.
I keep my dignity, I endure,
I may shed a few secret tears, but I won’t tell anyone,
And no-one will know
That I want to cry.