I Wished Upon A Star One Day Poem by katy allen
I Wished Upon A Star One Day
I wished upon a star one day
As it went shooting through the sky,
I wished upon a star one day
As it passed me by.
I wished upon a star one day
That my prays come true,
I wished upon a star one day
And then i thought of you.
I wished upon a star one day
And realised i was crying,
I wished upon a star one day
Then dreamed that i was dying.
I wished upon a star one day
But my wish never became real,
I wished upon a star one day
And realised what i feel....
Nothing!
Katy, I know that you are trying hard to sell it, BUT, there is no sale here! No one sells a lot of nothing... without a lot of feeling!
to come to the end and find you feel nothing, maybe you should wish to feel something.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/26/2024 5:39:50 AM # 1.0.0.1119
Daer Katy, this poem would be a beautiful one if it wasn't so monotonous.You made it so by the repetition of 'I wished upon a star one day' every second line. As a result, this poem loses its essence somewhere.Why don't you go back to it and try to express your feeling in more various way? The first line its very beautiful :) . When it comes, to the conclusion..it's a real surprise, but I guess the one that would disappoint the reader a little. Why do the subject suddenly feels 'nothing'? What's the reason for him/her to feel a kind of emptiness? Please, work on it, if you feel you can :) Good luck :)