In A State Of Nothing Poem by RIC BASTASA

i know it is wrong to stick to a job
that does not please me anymore
it will be entirely tiresome
feeling like a rubber bond stretched to its maximum limit
until it snaps out

you told me, it is a waste of my lifetime
like you
a bright star in the heavens now
i could have changed my course
and went out from that sinking boat

you are laughing
you have sacrificed a lot
you swam into that ocean of uncertainty
until you found your destiny

i am not less courageous than you
i once dropped myself from that boat
left my comfort zone
and too, found my own kind of joy
been there, as i want to say

look! i can't leap now,
i have learned and savored joy and it is not giving me enough
it has become an irrelevant state

i am steady now, pain and joy do not have any effect at all
i am moving but not changing any course
i know it cannot change me

i am in a state of numbness
i do not know what pleases me
and i cannot feel that usual pain anymore
there is no fear neither calm
and i am figuring out what i really am

this could be nirvana, i don't know.