In Honolulu Poem by RIC BASTASA

i refuse
the invitation to be
the guest speaker
of the alumni
homecoming and i
made it as an excuse
that i have
a conference in
Honolulu and i
think i have
seen eyelashes
rising from her
eyebrow making
stormy waves perhaps
thinking that i have
become arrogant and
unavailing or as they
term it
'cannot be reached
anymore'
but i never really
mind it, i know they
know that i am
lying but it does not
really matter
for i do not want
to do what i do not
want to do anymore
and i do not mind
what they say and
so i have really changed
a lot after a lot
of aging, mellowing
like a tired brown cat
napping by the window
but i look at myself
and travel years back
when i was so compromising
and too pleasing so that
i end up miserable
like an insecure stockbroker
in the finance house
where each is killing each
other mercilessly.

to be honest, and i am
now telling the truth,
an alumni homecoming is
a house in the past
a bridge and a boat
which i have long burned
and i do not know anymore
how to reconstruct them
and if you remind me
about a place to remember
honestly, i don't i cannot
and i won't for i live here
now.

in the solitude of my
present. Real, beating,
and strong.

and if you don't believe
me, well, try seeing me
in Honolulu.