Invisible Man Comments

Silke, I love the idea of this, it is quite unique and invetive. I think you have ruined it a bit by forcing rhymes. By that I mean that you have manipulated some line (the words) in order to make the rhyme fit. There is really no need. Poets of bygone eras used to do that (look at some of George Herbert's poems for example) but that was a result of a limited vocabulary. Today's language is far richer so there is no need for that type of manufacturing. Some might suggest that you try writing in free-verse, but unless you can master rhyme (and there is nothing wrong with rhyme, it is a great form when used well) then you cannot achieve the discipline of writing. I was well nigh intrigued by this piece and I can certainly see where you are going.