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It Doesn'T Matter

it doesn't matter if you don't
hug me, or love me, or show me affection
and always choose instead to say
things that push us in opposite direction.

it doesn't matter if you say
the spiteful things that tear me down
and kick and scream and throw about
treasures and dreams smashed on the ground.

not 'til tomorrow will you see
that i'm there for you despite it all
it doesn't matter what you think
for eventually you'll see when you call.

despite what you say, i hope you will see
the hurt you inflict doesn't matter to me
i have little to give, but i give it all
my only goal is to see you won't fall.

as angry as you are as you trudge through your day
the light at the end of the tunnel is a warm home to lay
your weary head on my soft pillow of fluffy cotton
to dream your dreams...and let your troubles be forgotten.

and now in your anger you punish yourself
by punishing me for punishing you
in circular fashion, or madness, or blame
which always ends up being part of the game
a fluffless pillow gets used instead
like a battering ram for your weary head
the dream fluffed pillow apparently tossed
the once-kind gesture from me is lost.

but it doesn't matter, for i'm hoping some day
you'll remember that pillow - a sign to say
i don't have much, but i gave it to you
despite time and again, my heart you threw.

when you have hateful thoughts and i'm at the source
i hope you remember i stay the course
from clothes that i give you, and shoes that you wear
warm socks or warm jammies - signs that i care
a computer to kick-start your life at full speed
a class to build self-esteem that you need
the dinners i make when i know your exhausted
the breakfasts i bring you on weekends in our bed.

it doesn't matter that you'll turn me down again
and the food will remain on the stove to get cold
i'll cook it again and again, until when
you'll see that my caring extents are untold.

it doesn't matter how many times i must do
these things i must do to get through to you
the message i send should be clear as day
the gifts are all there for you to say
i'll take his pillow, i'll eat this cuisine
even though saying my leftovers were yucky was mean
i'll continue to offer so you'll always know
you always have a home with where to go.

and when i am lonely and miss your warm touch
even though i know you don't care for me much
for reasons i fear, and some i'm ashamed
some i'm embarrassed, and some i'm to blame
it doesn't matter that you'll turn me away
today, tomorrow, and forever the day
for i know you are warm and cared for tonight
even if our night will end in some fight.

it doesn't matter, my feelings at stake
only what does matter, your knowledge to take
with you in the morning as you start a new day
that today you can handle, come what may
knowing your troubles you can place on a call
for me to take care of, make sure you don't fall
the hurt and the pain that was cursed - you won't find
the task for your comfort instead on my mind.

and in the end i hope you will know
just how far with my love i will go
for you to know that you're cared for and wanted
the thought of my love for you will be haunted
in your thoughts and your dreams with each passing day
and it doesn't matter - the hate you will flay
on me with each and every time that we fight
we both should know that we both can't be right.

that just doesn't matter...i just need you to see
that you're loved and cared for is all that matters to me.

MrE dad
MrE dad
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
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COMMENTS
Annie Brittle 21 February 2012
This is beautiful, some moments of true brilliance and sadness. Very clever title too, loved this. Well done.
1 0 Reply
Tsohgeht Sheehy 21 February 2012
It Doesn't Matter great poem! touched home!
1 0 Reply

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