It Was Always, You. Poem by Andrew Rugg

Doused myself in gasoline
So the world can burn with me
Everything around me is ash and soot
I can taste it in the back of my throat

Suffering is a form of growth
Pain is nourishment
And anger is the sun
Your words cutting the roots beneath me so I can't blossom

How can I hold my head above water
When everything underneath is so enticing
Waves of emotion pounding into me
Wondering if I can hold my breath long enough to withstand it

Dreaming is like falling
Weightless abandon, the air so thick
Filling my lungs with smoke passing by
Plummeting towards a world so cold and void

Holding me down so I can rise
Twisting the knife so I can breathe
Breaking my spine so I can stand
Filling my mind so I can dream

My end is crimson
My future is diming
You are the shadow that keeps me inline
How I long to stray from this faith

Standing in my bedroom naked and vulnerable
The mirror shows so much
Reflecting my broken image; a vestige of illness
Showing who the true tormenter is

I wish to be free from you
I wish to be free from myself
The edge no longer feels tempting
Now that it's above me