Jonny’s Bookend Poem by Mark Christmas

It’s coming up to Christmas,
So spare a little thought,
Of what your waistline really needs,
And what you shouldn’t have bought.

So I tell to you a tale,
That will fill you full of woe,
Of the fateful day, we found Jonny,
And the sight of his little toe.

He was putting up his Christmas Decs,
With lights upon his tree,
It came a time to turn them on,
To test them all you see.

He had the plug, to plug them in
Behind the oak bookshelf,
The gap was small, he tried to reach
But Jonny was no Elf.

He stretched and reached, to plug them in,
To see his Christmas lights.
But as he wiggled, grunted and groaned,
His belly was getting tight.

The plug went in, eventually,
He flicked the power switch.
Fairy lights flickered, they all had worked
It had gone without a hitch.

Then Jonny tried to get back out
But his belly had wedged him tight,
Against the wall and bookcase
He was in a real plight.

He called and bellowed out for help
But no-one ever came.
The lights they twinkled on and off
It was a crying shame.

So Christmas came, and then it went
Where could have Jonny gone?
On Thirteenth Night, we wondered why
His fairy lights still shone.

The firemen came, broke down the door
And found our Jonny. Dead.
Stuck tight between the wall and bookcase
A fairy adorned his head.


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A moral if you want it,
To take away and chew,
If you’re not so careful
This could really happen to you.

Enjoy Christmas Day, the best day of all
But be careful what you eat,
Cos if you expand, and you get stuck,
Be sure we can see your feet.