Life Brought Me So I Came Comments

kam honge is bisat pe hum jaise badqimar jo chal hum chale wo nihayat buri chale ja ki hava-e-shauq mein hain is chaman se ‘Zauq’ apni bala se baad-e-saba kaheen chale

layi hayaat aaye qaaza le chali chale na apni khushi aaye na apni khushi chale behtar to hai yahi ke na duniya se dil lage par kya karen jo kam na bedillagi chale ho umr-e-khizr bhi to kahenge bavaqt-e-marg hum kya rahe yahan abhi aaye abhi chale duniya ne kis ka rah-e-fana mein diya hai saath tum bhi chale chalo yun hi jab tak chali chale nazan na ho khirad pe jo hona hai wohi ho danish teri na kuch meri danishvari chale

I agree with the comments of M. Akmal Nazir.

The original poem is par at excellence but the translation makes it a bit jerky. As Patrick said in the very first line the 2 'the' sound extremely odd and they should be removed at once. In the urdu transliteration, 'to' should be removed in the very first line as it is not present in the original version. I rated it 10 for its original version not the translation.

Can someone remove the 2 'the's in the first sentence? it really ruins the poem

the simplicity with which 'zauq' has stated weird truths of life is outstanding