Live To Observe - Poem by Jamyson Hoelscher
The colorful contours of this new life.
Decease all thought, and keep me rife.
With a new light, a new darkness none of which do me harm.
Though when I see them cause destruction
I cannot break the charm.
Which ties me here to this wonderful place.
That keeps me in clear chains, watching death embrace.
Children, Men, & Women. New Fathers and Mothers.
As their light sputters out. They only speak in mutters.
I can't crack this encaptivating bliss as much as I want to scream.
For someone to help them, someone to help me leave this dream.
My soul struggles against my heart, in an epic battle of force.
So my body is left limp, slowly turning coarse.
Neither heart nor soul win their battle.
As the plague of death rages on.
Fate becomes the ruler of life, its sharpened dagger withdrawn.
The endding of peace breaks the insensible chains.
Setting me free from my ignorance and letting in the pains.
Of the guilt from just watching death and not helping a soul.
But I still drag myself on, to accomplish my goal.
To save at least one life, one heart. To twist fate into a wrench.
Before I fade back into nothing, and fall into Hell's trench.
I had a chance at heaven, but gave it up for this.
A hopeless dream at saving anyone. Me, who's being is now amiss.
So close to liberating a life, to keep him from my end.
But my hand just phases through him as God desides to send
Me back into his realm, why not in Hell I do not know.
But even when I should be glad I lack any gratitude to show.
Back to my hell in heaven. Back within the chains.
I feel no anger, I feel no greiff, I experience no more pains.
But my mind reminds me that I feel guilt, a feeling there but also not.
Just like my being remains up to now. A name which I forgot.
More enter this place, and try to help the dying.
And I stand there in silence. For I long past had stopped trying.
Others meet my destiny, some come close but swerve.
And as the Earth becomes empty of life, I still can only observe.
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