Living Hell Poem by Victoria Gauci

My voice let out a bloody scream,
Gutteral and violent,
My body convulsed with agony,
And my energy is spent,

Another day to feel this,
Inside me something dark,
Consuming every part of me,
Leaving it's wicked mark,

I want to leave my body,
And not feel this any longer,
I cannot go another day,
I'm weak, not getting stronger,

How do I continue on,
In a world without my son?
Nobody else can save me now,
He's the only one,

Spasms and uncontrollable aches,
Ripping my soul to shreds,
The only thing I want to do,
Is bury myself in bed,

No one around knows what it's like,
To have to face another day,
Without the son I brought to life,
My soul is becoming decay,

I am wretched and so broken,
In an empty room of sorrow,
Nothing to help me move forward,
There is no relief to borrow,

My tears are repeats night and day,
I do not know the reasons why,
My son has turned his back on me,
And left me here to die,

My heart is so heavy and overspent,
The pain is with me all the time,
People tell me he'll come back some day,
And that one day it will be fine,

It's been two years and many days,
Since I last saw his face,
I wonder if he thinks of me,
I've stayed away to give him space,

I feel like I'm imprisoned,
Not knowing what is my crime,
I'm locked up in this misery,
Sentenced and doing time,

I'm not foolish to say I'm innocent,
His feelings must be acknowledged,
I'm standing on a ragged cliff,
With my toes right at the edge,

Will he come back in time to forgive,
To receive my forgiveness as well?
Or will his anger and resentment,
Make me die in this living hell?

2012