Loneliness The Edit Version Poem by mari lovely

Loneliness The Edit Version

Rating: 4.0


what is loneliness?

loneliness is what you feel
when all love is gone,
when your heart turns to stone,
when you think of things to get you numb,
when you cry but no tears come,
when you hide the pain with a smile,
when you want to be known as an adult,
when you wish someone, anyone,
will help you through this loveless sorrow,
someone who will never let you walk
in their footsteps
or their shadow.

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Chris Mendros 06 May 2008

yes, excellent revision. Even more evocative than before.

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Pasha Satara 05 May 2008

I like your edited version. :) You changed the line breaks and it reads really well. Your feelings come through in an honest portrayal of loneliness. Nice work - keep writing, Mari!

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