Jessie Mahoney Bathis

Rookie (February 13,1990 / Sydney)

Looking Through Blind Eyes - Poem by Jessie Mahoney Bathis


There are too many emotions for me to put into words
to describe what you've done, how i've felt, how broken down i've become.
numerous arguments, jealousy, threats, all those hurtful words.
starting to feel numb.
thinking that you were different
the realisation you're all the same
i lay here n blame myself
when it's obvious you're to blame.
making excuses for you
false promises to myself
thinking i was in your heart - apart of your world
when all you saw was yourself.
fake smiles lurring me in on those lonely nights
words of love and beauty - making love to you
touching, holding, kissing all over...
a man i thought was you.
a fool to have allowed you through the gates around my heart
though, my eyes are wider now
to go back to the beginning, to see through the lies
to know what i know now.
how could you say you loved me?
when you were never really there
i was looking at you with blind eyes
did you ever really care?
now and forever i am changed
once a heart so sure and strong
guiding me down a round where i got lost
where every moment and feeling was wrong.
to look back upon a happy person
content and pure at heart
an easy target for these games
you knew it from the start.
fun to play with and always there
i was just a toy
you were never the man i saw in my eyes
just a lonely boy.
now i feel hollow
that 'thing' beneath my chest, beating, so cold
for now i am the one left broken, shattered and alone
i am the one with left with no one to hold.
can i forget, get passed this and be the same?
to give another man a place in my life, to give him what he needs?
Or will i stay shallow, cold, broken, alone and unwilling though he pleads?
i can not bare this emptiness
so dark my mind, body and soul have come to be.
every moment wishing for a brighter day
is this forever? why me?
what did i do to deserve this?
how did this happen to me?
am i the one to blame?
or is it merely destiny?
to feel as if i wander this world alone
undeserving of the finer things
why must i sit here and cry
whilst everybody sings?

Jessie Mahoney Bathis 15-9-09

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, December 26, 2009

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