I wanted a chocolate tea-pot
As a gift for a good friend’s birth-day
But I did feel a bit of a clot
Searching for this on e-Bay
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I have adapted this classic song:
How many kinds of sweet flowers grow
In an English country garden?
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I wish I could stop swearing
It really is a vice
For people with good hearing
It isn’t very nice
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When evening turns to darkest night
And stars are in the sky
When the garden’s swathed in silver light
That’s when my fox comes by
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Mother Nature and Father Time
Are such a spiteful pair
Together they commit bad crimes
Of damage beyond repair
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I had a tame rat named Fiona
I bought her last year on e-Bay
The ad said ‘one careful owner’
So I was happy to take her away.
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I’m now so careful what I buy
From any gal or bloke
For once bitten, now twice shy
From pigs that are in a poke
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My once skinny hips - are now fat
My pants are far too tight
Now my stomach's not flat
Getting into my clothes is a fight
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I used to race pigeons for money
Two nice ones “Jampot” and “Honey”
They couldn’t fly far
So I took them by car
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