Losers' Parlay Poem by Percy Dovetonsils

'Bet my money on the bobtailed nag, everybody bet on the bay.' -Steven Foster, 'Camptown Races'

Like a Cubs fan
I’m perpetually rooting
for losers:
I’m a blue fin tuna booster
an orang fan
a mountain gorilla groupie.
I'm backing bonobos
and the long lost golden tree frog
of Costa Rica.
I’m rooting for Rocky Mountain
forests
and against bark beetles,
for shrinking Swiss
glaciers,
for polar bears
and against Senators Inhofe and Coburn
(global warming deniers and corporate suckups)
of Oklahoma.
I’m dumb enough to tout
Sumatran tigers
and Javan rhinos
and they have NO chance.
Hell, I’m investing in dodos
and we all know they’re long gone
as are Steller’s sea cows
(all 24 feet of ‘em)
and the Irish stag
-long gone, gone, gone.
Maybe that makes me
a goner, too.
I'm such a goddamned fool
I’m even betting on
the public option
and universal health care.
I guess the smart money
is with the winners like the
HMO's and
Japanese and Norwegians
who keep slaughtering whales
for 'scientific research.'
But sometimes
the only bet
is the losing
bet.