Man’s First Hunt Poem by Bill Simmons

It was a warm mid summers day
When he looked out from within his cave
'I think today, I’ll try something new
I think today, I’ll try eating meat today

I’ll get Garf and Ralf and Lou
They can come and can help too
We will call this day a hunt
The day we ate our something new'

He grabbed his friends with no time spent
Then off into the woods they went
Each had picked up a good stick
They sort a learned as they went

Now out in the woods they had a talk
They thought they should separate
The first to see a creature in those woods
Call the others and they would have a taste

So each they went in separate directions
North and south and east and west
And it wasn’t long till Lou called out
But it was more of a scream at best

The others came running as fast as could
When they found, him he was up a tree
He was cut and bloody and looked really quite a mess
He was trying to catch his breath to speak

'What happened to you? ' The others asked
'We thought you had something to eat!
We all came as fast as could
But instead, you’re in the top of this tree! '

'Well I did' said Lou, 'And it was big
It would have been plenty for all
But I thought first I would have a taste myself
So I bit it’s tail, that’s all!

It got really mad and it growled a bit
Then it ate my stick it whole!
It was all I could do to get up this tree
This hunting thing, I don’t know'

'You were supposed to hit it in the head with your stick!
Not feed your stick to it Lou!
Now hurry which way did the thing it go?
We will show you just what to do! '

Now Lou still clinging to the top of this tree
He pointed in the woods as so
'It went off in that direction!
But I am not going to go!

I think that I am a vegetarian
I think I like it here just fine
But let me tell you when you catch up with it
You too might change your mind'

'Well all right, we’ll go by ourselves
But you’re going to miss the thrill of the hunt
And while we are out there having our feast
You’ll be here without any lunch! '

So the three went off into the woods
In the direction that Lou had said
But they thought, Hmm, bigger sticks?
And found bigger ones and carried instead

It wasn‘t long, Lou up in his tree
He could hear all three of them scream
Then he hollered out, 'Don’t let him fear you!
He only pretends to be mean! '

There for awhile the screams echoed
Limbs broke and the trees in that forest shook
Then after a while it just grew quiet
Lou, he just sat and looked

All night long Lou stayed in that tree
He didn’t come down till the break of day
Then thinking it safe he came on down
And hobbled back to their cave

Along the way he found berries and nuts
For breakfast he quite had his fill
And back at the cave, there were the three
Bloodied, mangled, and scarred, but all alive still

'Did you get it? ' said Lou, 'Did you taste the beast?
Did you already have your feast? '
The three they turned their back to Lou
It seemed they had nothing to speak

'Did you get it guys, did you hit it over the head?
How did this hunting thing go?
I bet you did, you ate it already!
Now come on, I want to know! '

But then Garf who could hardly stand
He turned to Lou and said, 'No! '
And shaking and trembling and mustering to speak
'Let me tell you just what is so! '

We are not speaking to you anymore Lou
But yeah, this hunting thing, we are through
You could have told us when we were in those woods
You bit the tail of a saber tooth! '