Memoria Of A Confused Girl Poem by Sneha Murali

Let tears come. Let them water my soul.
Now I'm in million pieces, and I used to be whole
I'm done pretending to smile, I cant take it anymore
Got 4 walls around me, a ceiling, but no floor
Its a bottomless pit and I cant stop falling
Life breaks me to point where I'm left crawling
struggling to come up for air, to breathe again
clawing away at the muddy confines of chronic clay
I reach for air, invisible, pure around me
unstained by the capricious state of my Life
And may the people in it have strength to bare
strength to bear witness the labrynthical paradox that is me
The anomaly of my life, strained, often pained to gross undertakings
A donkey's burden carried on a horses back, I cant stop complaining
Let tears fall where they may, and let fire burn it, dry it to hell
where angels with pitchforks pick up fallen pieces of shrapnel
I shall heave a sigh of relief, only when my eternal soul finds a resting place
And when pain hurts me no more and tears no longer flow down my face
I should be dead, but I still stand. Death no longer holding my hand
And I should feel free, but oddly I don't. Stuck in a vacuum of paroxysm
I can't pretend I am strong or wise, even as the tears on my cheek dries
I still cant get up and face it all, let alone dwell in my own despondency
Maybe I have a way and I'm too blind to see.
Maybe there's a voice and I'm deaf to hear it too.
How else can you escape tribulation, but close yourself from the world
And I did the same, look where it has got me now, beaten black and blue
Let invisible tears fall, salty and warm and cleanse my anima, a deform
It's a norm I suppose, to crib and curse life's givings, call me a pessimist if you must
But I've taken a beating one too many times before, so I am what i am for a reason
There's no season, or occasion for my depression, that's a confession I'm willing to make
I let myself get giddy from the fall, sometimes I admit I bring it all on myself, I bring it all.
And when i pass on, my soul would have achieved immortality, my soul, but not me
I will finally be able to be free from these shackles that chain me down to vexation
Damn my imagination, yes, I have a way of making things seem bad when it's not
But my mind is my only escape, the pen I hold in my hand and the words that spill from it
I may not be presumptuous, or even remotely strong. But i believe in myself to take the fall
Life's a bed of roses with thorns, you can smell the roses and blood at the same time
And living it at your own will might do some good, although crossing the line can be a crime
So I throw caution to the wind and I stand up tall. Surprisingly I'm still standing,
Now that wasn't hard, I wish I could still keep going though.
Infirmity of my soul would be the last thing on my mind.
I believe that optimism these days is so hard to find.
But the quest continues, a search with deeper meaning
A search resulting in both winning as well as constant failing.
Like 2 sides of a coin, Life has 2 sides too.
The copious problems we all complain about, We ourselves can find a way out.
So here I stand, unpretending, weak, but raring to go. Life is but an unfinished show
Like Shakespeare once said, 'All the world's a stage, and we are merely players'
I just hope my efforts aren't worthless. But what's life without 'Hope'.
So here I stand, letting my tears fall where they may.
Waiting for someone to wipe it all away.
I've said what I must through the power of my verse
yeah, through verse, I just pray life doesn't get any worse
prayers help sometimes, even if god ceases to exist in my heart
because within the depths of my hollow soul rises my conscience
And that, my friends is the only thing I can hold on to
I smile a wide smile, so fearful, that I may even fall back and not get hurt
I laugh a laugh, so sardonic, that even my bruises seem disguised as bandages
Packing my bags, bracing myself for the journey of a lifetime
I'm the girl who can't be understood
Sometimes I wish I myself could.



Copyright © 2010 by Sneha Murali