Most Boring Man In The World Poem by David Whalen

I’m always where… I’m sposed to be
Always doin’ what I’m sposed to be doin’

Never lookin’ where… I shouldn’t be lookin
Nor talking trash or rumor strewin’

No telling’ lies, except for the lil’ white ones
Pretty much walkin’ the proverbial straight line

Gave up smoking’, don’t do much drinkin’
Maybe a beer a week, occasional glass of wine

I take a nightly shower even if I don’t really need one
Never kick my dog, and only rarely kick the cat

Never badmouth the people around me
Though they’re getting’ godawful fat

I’m eating right, watchin’ my weight
Working out at the Y, constantly weighin’ myself

I’m always on time, hardly ever late
Reading’ box labels, then puttin’ them back on the shelf

Suckin’ in my gut and standing up straight
Brushin’ my teeth… poppin’ wintergreen mints

I’m always on time, never arrive late
My breath is so nice it makes the bank teller wince

I have most of the virtues of a fairly good man
My hair is lustrous, silver grey, slightly curled

I have all of those attributes, yet even I understand
I’m also the most boring… man in the world