J R Reynolds
Murderous Shadows - Poem by J R Reynolds
Waking in the middle of the night,
Sweating; frightened; screaming.
Scared that the events the just happened were real,
Hoping that I was just dreaming.
The same battle unfolding in my mind,
Every... single... night.
When fake dreams turn to real nightmares,
My pulse races with fright.
What is the cause of my fear,
What makes my heart feel so hallow;
Every night; when I least expect it,
I am murdered; by my shadow.
Projections of my own subconscious,
Combining together in one piece,
Stalking me, haunting me, killing me,
Every night; every slumber, every time I sleep.
It's maddening I tell you,
Murdered by an imaginary being,
I am afraid to sleep at night now,
Wondering if I am living what I am seeing.
When the sun is and the world is at peace,
And shadows should not exist,
I lay in bed shivering,
Clenching a flashlight in each fist.
Feeling the cold fingers run across my face,
Before gouging out my eyes,
Waking in a sweat soaked bed,
Listening as my soul cries.
Chills run up my spine,
Or is that the feeling of His breath?
Caressing my body gently
Carrying me to my death.
Should I just finish the job,
And kill myself tonight,
Do I dare anger my stalker,
Who exists only in the void of light?
Or is this only a dream,
A figment of my imagination?
Do I really want to kill myself?
And my shadow is simply my justification?
How do I really feel about my life?
About my job; family and friends,
Is this just an excuse to die tonight?
Hoping that my life quickly ends?
No; this is my choice to make,
My choice to live or to die,
It's MY choice to wake up in the morning,
It's MY choice not to say good bye!
I am not afraid of you anymore,
Deal out the worse you can do,
I will not live in fear anymore,
I will not be afraid of you.
Summoning up the courage,
To face this ghostly void,
I realize the truth now; it's suddenly so clear,
I now that my soul has been destroyed.
As quickly as my courage grew,
It dissolves twice as fast,
My pain is too great to fight,
Self inflicted damage is too vast.
Coming to realize the depth,
Of my recurring subconscious thought,
The damage is already laid,
Of a mental war was already fought.
I AM my own shadow,
Stalking myself every night,
That is why He exists in the dark,
Because I cannot face my thoughts in the light.
I truly wish to die,
So my mind has created this escape,
All my cruel intensions and thoughts,
Cast in to this murderous shape.
My soul understands,
What my mind cannot comprehend,
Ending my life my one true goal,
I want my life to end.
I want to let Him win,
To let my mind reject my will,
Let my shadow carry out the actions,
Because my mind will not allow me to kill.
Tonight I will sleep forever,
Never to wake again,
Quickly drifting off to sleep,
Waiting for my deadly companion.
Surcoming to my evil shadow,
I let is carry me away,
Goodbye cruel world, I curse you all,
On my last living day.
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