My Dark Night Of The Soul. Poem by Keegan Stanton

I feel like I'm in a pit.
A dark, dark pit.
I keep trying to climb out but every time I get a little up the walls, a piece of mud slides away and I fall back to the ground.

I feel like I never make the right choices.
Half the time I don't really know what the right choice is.
I feel like I'm walking a tight rope across a deadly gorge,
And one step out of place will cause me to slip and be lost forever.

So, I follow my instincts:
Placing one foot in front of the other to keep moving.
But it feels like I'm blind-folded; like a handicap that will always lead to the wrong step.

How I feel about my actions...I have shame over my actions.
I have shame over the wrong choices I've made.
Every time I try to do better, try to change that path, I feel like something from the outside begins to poison my progress.

Intentionally or unintentionally, those outside influences take me back.
And I succumb to them so easily.
Like stepping into a pool of translucent water, which so easily glides across my skin.
At times the water feels cold, and at times it soothes.

But nonetheless, it's easy to walk into
And I do it because I don't want to be the person left,
On the shore watching others as I stand,
Alone.

Preparing to walk
Another tight rope....
Preparing to fall...
Alone.

It's this combination of things which terrifies me
To the point of not making my own choices,
Not being able to decide for myself.
Or not feeling that I have the strength to make movements on my own.

Because I feel safer if I fall with others,
Than if I try on my own
And end up falling,
Alone.