My Feeble Attempt Poem by Melissa Joy Chesky

I’m scared to
hear your voice,
because I know I
jump on the inside;
my feeble attempt
to detach unwanted bonds
completely blown
as my muscles
under my skin with tension and ache.

I’m scared of
when our eyes meet,
because I know I
gasp when you notice me;
my translucent cover
completely looked through
as my brain shuts down
and my heart beats alive and vigorously.

I’m scared to
say anything,
because I know I
cringe at familiar words
said to you;
my hurried concealer
completely wiped away
as my stomach squirms away from
“our” familiarity.

I’m scared to
shelter myself off,
because I know I
do not want to be fortressed;
my weakened frontier
completely dilapidated
as my unarmored, uncensored self
walks near you, everything exposed.

Am I scared of you?
Truly—
your eyes, your voice—
things I craved before?

Or am I afraid of
what I am, or what
I can be,
around you?

Or am I wary and
vulnerable,
because what I told you,
everything I told you,
was the complete truth
and I’m horrifically aware of it?