You were born, a little baby boy to my sister
And when you opened your eyes to see the world,
I was just one amongst so many, rejoicing your birth.
Little did I know, that you would soon be there to be
my child, my father and my God.
Fate brought us together..
And each day, as I held you in my arms,
Spoke to you words that made no meaning to you..
Cleaned you up, helping my mother, your mother..
Grumbling as I lost sleep with your non-stop weeping,
Started to smile more when you enjoyed the first throw and catch…
I Kept on singing, unaware that you didn’t like it much,
Eagerly trying to gain your attention, unaware…
Experiencing parenting without being a parent myself..
I slowly became a child again.
I started sharing with you moments – your special moments,
Like watching your first step,
Hearing your first word,
The first bike ride and regular rides everyday
Your liking for “bayoo” or balloon - which kept bouncing and flying to your will
The surprising taste you developed for fried fish
And your love for music and Britney Spears on television..
And the stubborn calm you maintained whenever your mother left to your father
without informing you…
And when she got back, you forgot everything and loved her more
You hid in yourself a mysterious spirit
That made most of us around you to look inwards and reflect
And discover their being.
Your mother still came running back to you…
And I realized no one can ever be without you…
No one can.
And I never knew you would find the lost little boy inside me…
And with you, I look inward to the child.
And he made friends with you.
He normally never likes to meet anyone, until you came
And changed it all.. My beloved lil angel for a nephew!
At times, you didn’t care less for me.
You had started inquiring into things and were busy
As much as I had to play adult and work and earn..
But evenings were always ours after I came from work..
You always wanted to see me smile…
And showing me and sharing with me
Your every new discovery
Or introducing your new friend -
the nameless dog from the street
who you wanted to feed every night
and when he wasn’t around,
you had a stuffed pug toy
that you fed.
You never liked me when I was glum or cried silently
You wanted me to laugh and play again… My father!
With every new game you invented
And new things you discovered
From a pen to a toy
You never failed to share the joy with me as I grew up
With you for one and a half years.
You have gone to live with your father and mother
Separation from a loved is something you understood early on
but I didn’t.
I didn’t think of what would be of my life
without you around.
I come home every day after work to find,
There’s no home. No child.. No father..
And I realize, God… you’re gone!
I remember God now
As I am troubled..
I remember you
You have left me, without warning
I wouldn’t blame you, may be you did,
But I must have failed to heed to it
And I suffer in tearful silence and loneliness.
Lost child again, lost without you.
I hear over the phone that you are fine
And you miss me, whenever a biker passes by.
And call out for me.
I know you will come back but different
Grown up a few centimeters tall, a few books older
And with new moments you lived,
But I don’t know if you will come back as a child
And bring me out of my lost world, and share with me your toys
Or as a father, and teach me your new wisdom,
Or as a God, who will forgive me and love me again.
Just come back when you can.
I am hanging around, waiting for you
Dear child, my father, my God.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.