My Mask Poem by justine spohn

I live a lie.
I pretend to be someone im not,
On the outside i seem happy.
Like im perfectly fine and all.
Yet my life still feels incomplete.
I Feel like im searching for something,
But for what i don’t know.
I feel dead inside, Its empty
One minute im happy, Next im sad
Then im crashing down in tears.
I cry till i can cry no more.
Next comes the numbness,
Then it all starts again.
I feel detached from everything and everyone,
I don’t care about anything or anyone.
Its like im merely an observer.
I look in the mirror, I don’t recognise the person ive become
Im so far away from everything.
I so desperately want to change,
But i feel as if i have no strength left.
My life feels as if its over before it began.
Why me i ask myself?
Whats wrong with me?
No one knows what it feels like!
You want people to understand...
No matter what they say, they cant,
Not unless they’ve experienced it.
I feel so alone in a huge crowd.
I don’t know why?
I just want this feeling to go away.
But i know it wont.Even when im happy
I know it won’t.