My Reflection Poem by Langa Zanele

My reflection
I stare at the mirror
Looking at myself
I try not to blink
I look closely
But I don't realise the person I see
She's me
But she has changed

I look for the pieces of myself
That I lost
To all the people
And places
I used to love
Found myself looking at old pictures of myself
Realising how much time has passed
Soon I'll be turning twenty
But I feel like I'm in my thirties
I guess I was twenty before I turned twenty
I look at her smile
I look at her face
I realise how young she was
How flawless
How innocent she was
Before she got to carry the world on her shoulders
Before the pain
And the torture
Sad part is I'm no longer her
How I wish I had let myself be young
To do all the crazy things
To not rush into growing up
Can I turn back time?
Can I go back just for a day?
To be young
To be free
To be playful
Can I?
Truth is I can't
Life goes on
Time passes us by
Before we know it we've grown up
Having to face the world all on your own

Old recording
Old photos
Every moment
Every place
I captured
I revisit those moments
A smile crosses my lips
As I hear my little cousins laughter
My heart races looking at the happy moments with my dear ones
Pictures taken with strangers
I take pictures of everything
Now I get it why I keep capturing everything, every moment
I keep those moments alive
No matter how some bonds ended
There was once some good chapters to it
Worth reliving again
I taught myself to let go of all the pain
All the hurt
To keep the happy memories
Forget the sad memories
Every person that once touched my soul
I may let them go
But I keep the moments lingering on my mind
The happy memories that made my heart smile
I keep them engraved in my heart

I don't know whether I'm lonely or sad
I feel the emptiness deep within me
I came to realise one thing
I let go of everything that made me happy
I live everyday like life is just a movie
I listen to music to distract myself from thinking
I play it so loud that I don't hear my thoughts
Am I lonely?
Am I sad?
I ask myself as I take my pen and scribble down my all my feelings
All my thoughts
I pour my heart down till my heart feels empty
Till my shoulders feel little less heavy

I live in my head too much
I disconnect from everyone
I get annoyed when someone wants to talk to me
I quickly go offline whenever someone keeps the convo going
Whenever my eyes gets locked with some stranger
I quickly look the opposite direction
Cupid never misses
I mumble as I walk away
Strange, funny, sad
That's how my life is
I run away from anything that takes too much of my attention
Maybe I'm scared to care to much
To get attached
To open up
It's like my heart is taken out of my chest
There's a whole in my heart
It never closes
Will I ever be the same old me?
I guess not


There's no such thing as running away from yourself
I tell myself
As I look me in the eyes
On the reflection of myself
This is your battle
This is your journey
These are your demons
You can't hide from them
You gotta face them
I let her know
As I start my day

Someone sad I have changed
That I'm not the same zanele anymore
Sad, yet so true
I mean you can't expect me to be the person I was a year ago
I had to change
In order to survive
There are some things that needed fixing
Some limits to be set
Meet the new me
You either stick around or walk away
Pick a side
I'm done holding on to broken bonds
Whatever ends, ends
I can't beg you to stay...