My Self-Bashing Guilt Poem by Janus Inkblood

My control before smart
has made me completely dumb
there is no longer rational talk
just the beat of a constant drum,
my choice blinds my dark mood
your concern and honesty are my only sun
the lack of care from starving heart
this shouldn't be,
what has bloomed has emptied me
withdrawn from help, my anguish to depart
from the preservatives my taste shall shun
my care of careless thoughts
make the sadness of effort very fun
the force of judgment makes me vomit
my loss of wisdom for the struggle I won
my weakened heart has falling victim
painfully and gradually my body is falling apart
stopped eating from the thought of insecurity
my self-inflicted throw-up
of vegetables and bread
I'd rather be worthless and useless
even if this control makes me dead.