Friday, April 25, 2008

My Sense Of Relief

Rating: 1.5
There is so much going on that I can’t make right
So many phones calls about another fight
Its hard sometimes to be so strong
So many come to me with things so wrong
Its getting hard not to cry
To them I help but to me I lie
I’m always happy to their belief
Only because I have my sense of relief
The only way I know how to deal
It going numb and with nothing to feel
Sometimes I wonder how I smile
After everything that’s been going on for a while
I get so dizzy from time to time and can’t see
Waking from the nightmares that seem to scare me
Like being suffocated and unable to breathe
Wanting to run but unable to leave
My sense of relief can’t wait much more
I want to hide in my room with a lock on the door
For no one to ever see or hear me scream
I hate this I want to wake from this dream
Feeling so very frustrated
Feeling even more degraded

Just take a break they say
It’s ok to walk away for a day
But fighting has become my obsession beyond belief
All this the cause of my sense of relief
Going numb and very cold
Holding everything tight in my hand
My pain has become a rejection
I block out all of the depression
Kicking the rocks on my broken road going somewhere
Unknown to anyone from here
Expressionless and emotionless to all
Knees shaking trying hard not to fall
I guess in my disbelief
I will never really find my sense of relief
chelsi Ruffing
Kenny Shy 25 April 2008
I resently found ny wifes biological parents for her. I have many resources. I feel the pain you have experienced. But as you know there is nothing that will compare to what you are missing until if possible you unit with them. I am so, so sorry you ever had to deal with this. It is very possible that what you have been told or seen is not the truth. We we mislead for years. Did you know that you at the age of 18 can go to the county you were born in and get a copy of the birth record. from there it is fairly easy if you have the right resources. would love to help in fact it would make me proud. If I am feeling the wrong thing I truly apoligize but what I am feeling from your writtings is that you are a adopted child that has no direction and or meaning because of you identity and you would like some closure so you can pick up and move on and until that happens there is no way to do that. Again I am sorry. Kennyanytimeshy at the aol . com if I can help please mail me. good luck./
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