Ravensclaw jamie

Rookie (December 21st,1979 / Atlanta Ga)

My Soul Hurt Part 2 - Poem by Ravensclaw jamie

My soul hurts & hurts…My heart aches so deeply… I killed the Love I wanted more than the Moon & Stars! I crushed my jewel… His trust… My soul is thirsty for his forgiveness… He won’t even look me in the eyes… I forsake him, for nothing. NOTHING! ! My anger & selfishness brought ruin to the only beauty I ever felt. I held in my hands & heart a fairytale & I foolishly, stupidly crushed it. And it all tumbled down around me, like some apocalyptic nuclear hell. My soul burns in the fall-out for him… I awake from a broken dream & I am hungry for my lost haven, the safety & comfort of his arms…That I’ll never feel again… I softly cry myself back to sleep, as I touch her tiny hand… our creation, a tiny smudge of what was once the essence of our love. Nothing I say can make him sway… No surrendering, sobbing, defeated, shameful apology, will change his mind, open his eyes, and break his undying hate… He hates me for what I’ve done… Is it best to be shunned for a shameful wrong act? I can’t breathe, my stomach is in knots, my heart is pounding… Is it Love & All Creation, or just Ridden with Disease? Can I beg of you to look back? On my hands & knees, this heavy guilt won’t stop smothering me. I long for his embrace, when I could feel his love radiating from every pore, as I lay in the silent comfort, as I inhaled the intoxicating peace of our union… I can’t say I love you, but I do. I can’t tell you I miss you, but I do. Are you really just through? How can I continue? I can’t go or get beyond this… My longing holds no meaning for him. My guilt means nothing… He won’t see my surrender, my giving over to him… I do not understand, why can he not see? I belong to thee… Was our love just a meaningless line through time? Do none of all those night’s, touch your soul deeply, still? Is there nothing I can do to make him come back & see & remember, the magical spell that consumes me and bounds me here? I am ashamed & shattered by what I have done. How can you be so cold & distant? Does it really mean nothing? How could I be so stupid? He loved me once… I get so lost in my memories, I can almost feel him… his heart beating, the sound pounds in my head… I can never let anyone else lay in my bed. For every tear I shed, I’m sure his heart has bled. I let his secret garden be defiled… I betrayed my love… & now I stumble in the dark without him… his love…& I am lost without him now… I made promises, I can never break. I will walk this life aimlessly & alone… until the next lifetime I find him & I make it right… For our fairytale is timeless… I will wait, even if that is forever.

JCV March ‘08

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, April 15, 2008

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