My Soul Hurt Poem by Ravensclaw jamie

something from forever ago
My soul hurt&hurt&hurt as I gazed worshipfully at these old memories...I could taste them, long for them, him...I stood thinking of these memories. I couldn't catch them. Do you feel anything? Remember then, that this was love. I am, yes, indeed the school of love, for you to be born again, to grow wing's, to sing, & fly with the angel's... My heart raced with thick sorrow, he had grown so cold & uncaring of my heart, of my love for him. I was (am) lonely & empty with-out him...I want to lay helpless as always in his arm's, feel his warm embrace, around my lonely body... Feel the warmth of his flesh. It seemed 'our' world was not merely one of the flesh, but of a mutual magical spell of Love, Oh this could teach the God's of love what Love was! For I felt No being, supreme nor mortal could feel this, but I... We... only me...I'm surprised at how much I lament it, now that it's gone. He was my Angel, but I never realized. My Lord, my Master... No talk of God, He is my God... Would you be so for Eternity? 'Is there ever a loneliness in you, LORD, that pushes you to tell someone, anyone, to have a friend of your own mettle, to confide your heart to One who can comprehend? ' Of the Moon & Stars, my love is made, of that sovereign whiteness which is the substance of clouds & innocence alike.Was I born into this ALONE? 'He has become the World to you as only a Great being can. And you are out of it now & longing to return to it. A man such as that becomes ALL things to you, & his wise voice becomes the law by which Everything is measured. All that lies beyond has No value because he doesn't see it, & he doesn't declare that it is valuable. And so you have no choice but to leave the wastes that lie outside his light & return to it.' I wanted something from my Lord, something final & conclusive & obliterating, and maddened by this desire, suddenly fully aware of it, I ran to seek the comfort in his arms... like a child running to hide.What has killed your love for me? I love you still! I will all my night's & all my day's, forever. Your face is as a jewel given me, which I can never forget, though I foolishly lost it. It's glister will torture me FOREVER. Can you understand how love & love alone could mean so much, and all my world be made of it? The very fingers of this hand that reaches for you? Love, Master, Love. With one sweeping glance that imprinted on my mind the details of my Love, this love for you, for ALL time! How can so much beauty hide such a bruised heart, & Why must I love him? He stripped me of illusions, lies, excuses, & thrust me into this empty void I had once known & all too painfully knew, but I had no idea how much more he could strip from me, & I hate him only because I cannot imagine my soul with-out him now, & owing him all I am & know, I can do nothing to make him wake from his frigid sleep... What good is it to go back & beg him to listen to me, to believe in me again, when he only listens w/ his head, not his heart & soul? A great force emanated from his beauty. It surrounded meas if it were air or breeze or water, but it was none of these. It was far more Rare& pervasive, & though it held me with a formidable strength it was nevertheless invisible & w/out pressure or form. The force was Love. Oh, yes, it is love, it is complete love, & in it's completeness it makes all that I have ever known meaningful.For every disappointment, every hurt, every misstep, every Bad step had told me what I lacked. The Good things, every embrace, every kiss, was but a foreshadowing of this sublime acceptance & goodness, had shown me a glimpse of what love could be...All my life this love made meaningful, sparing nothing, & as I marveled at this, accepting it completely & w/out urgency or questioning, a miraculous process began.. All my life came to me in the form of all those I had ever known. On the contrary, it was but a natural & common string of events, & these events involved All the other souls whom I had ever touched; I saw now the hurts I'd inflicted & the wounds I had caused... And now I have come to realize the Damage can be undone, because I Love! Because I will not let my past take away my future!


JCV
'98'