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leeza gutierrez


My Suicidal Lullaby

I lie awake late at night
Thinking about my dreadful life
My parents are never there for me
So why should I stick around?

I get up silently and creep down the stairs
To the bathroom hoping you will be there
I open the medicine cabinet
And you stare silently up at me

I kiss you and then put you to my wrist
And line you up with my other scars
I slit my skin open gently
Waiting for relief to come to me

Nothing happens
In frustration I throw u a the mirror
I crack it and the shards fall everywhere
I look at my face in the mirror it's all cracked just like my life

I slip to the floor I'm sitting on my knees
Not praying just sitting there wondering how it would be to be free
No parents to scream at me and hit me
No people at school to laugh and hurt my feelings

I grab the shard in my hand
And hold it tight and for a moment I feel in control
I lift it swiftly to my wrist
But I don't cross the street
I cut down the middle

I keep at hit till I hit a vain
And then I start to feel ok
As my life trickles down my arm
I smile for the very last time

I'm barely conscious when my parents barge in
I see my reflection and laugh at the girl I see her face is bruised
And bloody from the puddle of tears and blood on the floor

I laughs at my mother a cold hard laugh
I whispers I'm done with this life go scream at some one who cares
I smile at my brother a smile with no warmth
I whisper gently I'm done being your punching bag so go find another

I float to the roof
And watch my parents look at my body on the ground
I'm so pale I almost blend in with the floor
As I watch them no tears escape there eyes

I guess now il never see them cry
I take in my last breath of air
And on the exhale I whisper my parting last words
'Why was I never good enough for you? '

I close my eyes for the very last time
As I hear the ambulance come a few seconds to late to save my life
My head clears and I'm plunged into darkness
And all I can hear around me is my suicidal lullaby
leeza gutierrez
Thursday, May 17, 2012

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