My Yesterday Poem by Kaitlin Schmidt

If I could trade my yesterday
Would I be standing here today
With nothing to hold to my name
And nothing inside but lonely shame
The sun beams down like it does always
But if it knew me well would it go away
And would its warmth still surround me
Or disappear and let me freeze
My painful yesterday has come and stayed
Surrounded by this constant gray
My sinful heart only slows me down
How could mercy ever be found
My faults are clear upon my face
The world from me should separate
I feel like my yesterday is all that I have
Something forever, can't take it back
But as I see a smiling face
I know my yesterday must be erased
That smile I see is what I want
To me my yesterday will no longer haunt
But tears fall down my nose and cheek
Happiness is something only to seek
My yesterday won't leave my side
But in my yesterday I can not reside
As I am here now in the in between
I want my life to be like make believe
Where the shame and guilt is completely let go
And my razor blade past no one knows
How do I leave this diseased state
How do I rip out this shameful page
Could it be I can't do this alone
My shattered life I can't repair on my own
But who to turn to who is only love
Like that sunlight from up above
I look up and see peaceful clouds
Is there a God up there right now
The one I heard of when I was young
But never believed and ran away from
Could my yesterday be no more
Sealed forever behind His door
So many questions take over my mind
But I don't need answers I need a goodbye
I need happiness that flows like the sea
I need that god inside of me
For now I will live under the sun
And hope my new start has begun
I need your instructions oh pretty please
From my yesterday I need to be set free