Samantha White

Rookie (September 21,1991 / Forestville, CA)

Never Good Enough (For Myself) - Poem by Samantha White

Fading from reality to a world all my own,
to a side of me I've never shown.
Everyone sees a girl, happy and free,
but it is a useless girl that I see.
Far from perfection, failing everyday,
so hard to explain my thoughts in disarray.
The only control I have is what I eat,
against my mind I have to always compete.
I'm slowly losing my control more and more,
my hunger pains I must learn to ignore.
Filled with hope I will survive,
Day after day so hard I strive.
Strive to finally reach my goal,
Strive to make this shattered girl whole.
But it seems I'm slowly wasting away,
I try to speak but words I just can't say.
I can't let anyone know of my pain,
I'll fail again, and silent I must remain.
I thought I had control but now it's controlling me,
through my black tears I can no longer see.
I didn't mean for it to go this far,
I didn't mean for this to leave a scar.
A scar on my body I can no longer hide,
A scar showing that I'm slowly dying inside.
I want to see bones but am afraid,
Afraid at how quickly away I can fade.
I thought thin was the answer to all my prayers,
But I know it's not as everyone stares.
They will soon see how I'm wasting away,
No longer in this world do I want to stay.
Everyone sees beauty where I see disgrace;
I look in the mirror hating my face.
I may be good enough for everyone else,
but will I ever be good enough for myself?

By: Samantha White

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, December 3, 2005

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