No Longer A Joy Ride Poem by topaz africa

Sometimes people do things to you that you don’t understand
Sometimes people make you feel stupid when they do these things
But most of the time I feel as if im the only one who goes through these things
Every time I feel betrayed I shy away from the world
Every time I feel angry I smile and put on a mask
I have more than a thousand masks
Each day I put on a different one
I always convey the message that I’m strong
And I’m tough, even words can not hurt me
But if you know the real me you would know
You would know that all is not ok with me
You would know that it’s all a front
If you really know me you would know
That inside I’m really hurting
Im bleeding inside
With each day that I live
With each breath that I take
With each new thing that I discover about my life
My heart gets weaker
What scares me the most is that I can not protect myself
I just can’t seem to stop the hurt
I can not breathe anymore
My thoughts have invaded my breathing space
I feel like I am going to die soon
If not today then the other day
I have been fooled by the one person that I love
The one person I gave all my love to
The one person that makes me happy
I feel very sorry for my self
Because I can not even cry
I’m crying invisible tears
I can see my self drowning in my own tears
I used to say no-one is worth my tears
And the one that is should never make me cry
But what if the person that makes me cry
Is the same person that can dry my tears and make me happy?
I need some one to tell me that all is okay with me
I need you to tell me that I am going to be fine
Please tell me that you will always be here for me
I need to hear you say you need me all the way
If you really do love me you will
The well being of my soul depends on it
Please do not take away my sanity