No Longer Mine To Carry Poem by Christen Kuikoua

Lord, I have wondered,
why is it so hard for us to forgive?
Why is it so difficult to move past wounds and mistakes?
Why does the human heart hunger to tear others apart,
as though we ourselves walk in perfect holiness?
And now I understand,
for I, too, have found myself guilty of the same.
Only when hurt came to me from another
did my eyes finally open.
Lord, I have searched my heart day and night
for weeks, trying to see my wrong.
I traced my steps, replayed my words,
looked for cracks in my intentions
and still, I saw nothing but sincerity.
Yet many hold broken pieces against me.
You saw, Lord, how I tried.
How I humbled myself,
how I sought peace,
how I attempted to mend what was shattered.
But men did not understand.
You told me in the quiet
to take the first step,
and I obeyed.
I cried in secret places,
and still I reached out.
Now, Lord, I am done trying,
because my spirit is tired.
I cannot chain myself to pain
I have already released.
If another chooses to hold on tight,
that is no longer mine to carry.
You know my values,
You know my heart,
You know I speak only what I mean
and if ever I were wrong,
I would confess it openly.
But now I need to heal.
I cannot break myself
just to prove my sincerity.
Take this, Lord.

Teach my heart to rise again.
And let the freedom
You give be my answer to every wound.