Norlan Lichts Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Norlan Lichts

1.Widdendreme o an Ashet
Yestreen I dreamt ma ashet
Hostit a resurrection

Ma grilled lamb shank raise up
Wi a ghaistly baa
Briered skin, oo, hoof
An hirplit ower the brod

The roastit bubblyjock
Heidless, strode ooto the granishins
Said cheerbye tae the gravy, tatties, stuffin, Brussel sproots
Its feather re-happit its wyme.
Wingless, cleukless, it rowed aff back tae the kitchie
Luikin fur tint intimmers, een, beak, wattles
The hale kiboodle

Frae the founs o the soup pan, the grumphie's hoch
Steppt ooto ingins, lentils, carrots, pizzers, neeps
The bree frae its ain sappy maet
Its hide grew back again on its haggard hurdies
Rumba-ed ower tae the oven
Tae the tune frae La Boheme

The fried steak hotterin in mushies
Moo-ed as its leathery rump
Sliddered ontae the fleer

I waukened jist as the sushi
Stertit tae stink like rotten fooshty dulse
Scales like sequins skinklin in the bowl







Erasure/ black out poetry is a form created by erasing words from an existing text in prose or verse.The following poem, Eildritch, is drawn out of the short story Thrawn Janet, by Robert Louis Stevenson.

2.Eildritch
in a peatbog,
in the neuk o a plaid.
mummlin tae hersel
in the gloamin,
sib tae the deil,

in the hettest o the collieshangie,
the name o God cam niver on her lips.
in muckle hell that day.

in the bield o the black Hill,
seiven corbie craws flew roond and roond
abuin the auld kirkyaird.
near the burn. deep and black

She's a bogle in claycauld flesh.
No a starn, no a breith o wind
A tyke yowlin up the muir,
A laich, uncanny steer
An the dule watter seepin and sabbin
Doun the glen

The sauchs tosst and maned thegither,
a clap o wind, like a cat's fuff;
the sauchs screicht like fowk
skelloch upon skelloch

in a peatbog,
in the neuk o a plaid.
mummlin tae hersel
in the gloamin,
sib tae the deil





Golden shovel poetry is a poetic form that takes a word from each line of an existing poem and uses them as the last word of each line in a new poem. The golden shovel form incorporates elements of both erasure and cento poems.

Ye browster wives, now busk ye braw,
And fling your sorrows far awa;
Then come and gie's the tither blaw
Of reaming ale,
Mair precious than the well of Spa,
Our hearts to heal.:
From The Daft Days, by Robert Fergusson

3. Pannanich Wells, Ballater
The birks abune the braes rise braw
The erne flees up an soars awa
The caller bosky breezes blaw
Springs taste like ale
Drawn ooto Pannanich's rich Spa
Sair banes made hale

Knichts Templar in twal forty five
Suppit thon watters tae revive
An eftir, vowed they aa did thrive
Wi virr like steel
The tonic springs could yark alive
Sair sowels richt weel

A local wife wi scrofula
In sivventeen saxty, did doonfaa
Intae the bog, an sained o aa
Her skaiths did rise
Cured o King' Evil bi the Spa
Miracle prize!

Syne Farquharson, Laird o Monaltrie
Biggit an Inn fur aa an sundry
Tae takk the cure, a fortiori
Twid dae them gweed
For his belief, tho a priori
Wis strang indeed

Fowk wi rheumaticks, bairns wi rickets
Frae baronets tae puir on budgets
Lord Byron, Walter Scott their assets
Wir keen tae share
Wi thon spa risin frae the thickets
Throw Deeside's air

Doon throwe the years, this magic airt
Its birks, its rowans, played their pairt
In bringin balm tae hurtit hairt
An thochties wae
As noo roon sides o tent an yurt
Wins saftsome play


4. The Midden
Inspired by a poem written & performed at Stanza by Larry Butler & Ratnadeva

Ma harns are a midden, a steer o the orra an clarty,
The harrigals o days, the intimmers o aff cast thochts
Aathin hotters aawaa thegither like a soss in the midden
Fermentin like the sypins o dwaums

Mebbe ooto the sharn o dubby times
A poem'll raxx its heid, like a wee daff ooto the orrals?


5.The Birdie
For a photo of a garden visitor by Catriona Low

A birdie teetin roon a buss
O thorns, keeked oot wi berry een
As if tae say, 'Fit like yersel? '
And as I bide in Aiberdeen
He addit 'Foos yer doos the day?
Aye peckin? ' I'd tae answer 'Na
Oor cat chaws up oor feathery friens
Gin ye'd keep cheepin, flee awa! '


6. Puir Man's Jam
Ma da made puir man's jam
Better than fish paste
Better than gozzers
Better than fatty spam

He spreid his breid wi a skelp o marg
Razzed ower fur the sugar jar
Skirpit it ower the marg an syne
O sannies it is the star!

7. Monthlies
In Cantonese, women describe the time of menstruation, as ‘my great aunt has come to visit ‘Yi ma lai doh'. In some Deeside areas, women say ‘Granny's come doon frae the hills'.

Cramps grip the pit o yer wyme
Like rakes, rippin seggs frae the sheuch
Muscles knot like the belly cloor
That aixed Harry Houdini

The monthlies could drap me tae ma knees
Bring on the hett baths, asprins, hett watter bottle
Ticht in the foetal position

Aince, in a Darlington job centre
I feintit wi the pain,
Hittin the fleer wi a dunt
Waukenin up in emergency
Seein a bricht an smiley doctor
Weirin a kipper tie
Fa suggestit ‘a scrape'
As if the wyme wis a saucepan
In need of scoorin
‘Or childbirth' he cairried on,
‘wid swacken things up doon ablow'

As God set it oot in Eden
I'll sherply increase yer pain fin giein birth
In pain ye'll bring furth bairns
Cursed is the grun because o ye

Ay weel, thanks fur thon
The short eyn o the stick






8. Hunt the Gowk Day,2021
April fools day was traditionally called Hunt the Gowk Day in Scotland The name comes from the saying 'Hunt the Gowk' which translates from Scots as 'hunt for the cuckoo' or 'foolish person'. In Gaelic the alternative translation would be 'La na Gocaireachd' which means 'gowking day' or La Ruith na Cuthaige which means 'the day of running the cuckoo'.The traditional joke consisted of asking someone to deliver a sealed message that seeks help. The message in the letter reads
'Dinna lauch, dinna smile. Hunt the gowk anither mile'
Hunt the Gowk Day in the Duthie Park
Like a day oot at Crufts, the girse is heezin wi tykes
Dorgies, Aluskies, Pomskies
Bogles, Cheagles, Pitskies
Pugglies, Gollies an Chuggs
Schnoodles, Whoodles & Bugga
Ruggin their ainers aroon frae trees tae dowps
Heinz 57 variety o dugs
Wi their mongrel keepers
Bruisers, tattooed wi dirks an snakes an hairts
Auld weemen wi rotten teeth that guff like farts

Littlins wummle like penguins on shoogly shanks
Hippins, hingin wi pee
Like boozers efter a skinfu, hauf sweejee

Paunchy plodders traipse ahin clarty buggies
Beer bellied cheils, in bunnets wi furry luggies

Sonsie quines in lycra an leggins that cling
Knock-kneed, pirn taed, fat hoched,
Their fingers aa covered in bling

Ravers an elderly hippies an misbehavers
The queue creeps on like a snail
Fur lattes, ice cream an sannies
Grannies an bairns wi mous that full up wi slavers

Some hap their faces, tae stop the covid smittin
Ithers staun closer than stitches in auld wives knittin

It's Hunt the Gowk Day, pliskies gae on fur oors
See the dugs pee on the signs, sayin watch the flooers

9. Shakkin the snaa globe in ma harns
Inspired by Life from Inside a Fenway Park Snow Globe, by Cameron Wilson (Poetry Scotland)

It is bairnhood, I'm plunkt on the san tae play
Spindift on driftwidd surfs ontae the beach
I am weirin a gyad-sake dress o polka dots

I niver maistered ma mandolin
Like gowdfish in a bowl, its chords repeat

I could bide in a librar wi buiks fur friens
Blythe's a kittlin cercled bi butterflees

Fit price a kiss? As deidly as a wirm
That slidders like disappyntment intae the yird

Bang! Yer aff! Life's cannon has bin fired
Oot o the antechaumer o skweel an parent time

The loch o kennin growes. Is thon yoke a bomb?
I hae as mony fauts as a cabbage, pykit bi snails

A coffee brod sits stinch, an unhaley altar
The lamb o conversation awyte the knife
I should be wyed in the scales o wirth
An cam up wintin

Ma corps's as stiff as an auld linoleum cutter
Ma lips are icicles on the coffee mug rim
Divergent thocht's the curse o ma bawd wud harns

Dae alligators really bide in stanks
Choking the unnergrun arteries o toons?
Nesty as roadblocks, or is thon aa styte?

The hurtit ocean skreichs like a roosty fridge
A brukken dallie floats in a froth o scum

In the gairden a Jenny wren wyves a wattergaw
An ongaun myndin o guilt tae the wytin Tom
Nae character witness clears him o birdie slauchter

I kent a chiel kept a pet gun as a keepsake
He ett wid garlic, bit didna believe in feys
His claesline wis pegged wi TA camouflage dress

Since fan did a letterbox becam a chute fur spam?
Grinnin geriatrics promotin wills
An landscape gairdenin centres sellin gnomes?

The ile walls hae stoppit gushin oot at sea
Chiels in weet suits are aa wippit up in plastic


10.Hooses
Flichterin oot an in their wee roon door
Like fish lowpin in throwe a porthole,
Birdies enter their bird box

The intimmer is derk an secret
Safe frae the cleuks o cats.

Smaa baas o feathers
Showd on the tree like fir cones
Licht as fluff
Their wings raxx wide as fans
Fin they ride on the back o the wins

Their gorblies coorie doon
In their mossy nest

In Thailand, speerit hooses
Hae unseen tenants
Inveesible ancestiors wheech oot an inno
Their open yett
Their pagoda reefed biggin
Incense sweeten their days
Flooers, maet an prayers
Ghaists are the anecestors
Fas fitsteps we step inno





11.Geographic Tongue
Between 1-2% of the population have a geographic tongue. Typically there are red patches on the surface of the tongue with an irregular outline that make the tongue look as if a map has been drawn on it, hence the name ‘geographic tongue'. In most cases the red areas are surrounded by a white border.

Fin I wis wee, I sooked in Doric
wi ma reg'lar bottle o milk
Ma geographic tongue
Pyntit North East, the Northern hemisphere
Same latitude as Aalborg, Denmark
Varberg in Sweden

Ma tongue didnae fork like a snake's
Till I stertit the skweel

Frae thon day on
Ilkie wird hid a doppelgänger
An evil twin.

Fin Daith cams, as He will,
I winner fit he'll say?
Fin he wags his finger
Beckonin me tae the void
Will he invite me in Inglis or Doric
Tae takk ma place wi ma deid
Tae lay ma heid upon ma yirdy bowster?

Till then, I'll bide true tae ma tongue
Keepin ma compass steady,
Bidin seelent.


12. Judgement o the Bandies
The day wis sticky wi sun
Paiddlin in shalla puils
Cweets wore bangles o watter

Boaties o waves cairriet cargoes o gowd
Ferryin glents an glimmers
Doon the simmer river

The foreneen hottered wi heat
Aiks stude swytin in sarks o wrinkled barks

A troot kerplunkit up
Like a weety comma stottin aff a trampoline

Skirt stappit in knicker elastic
I wis a heron, the jar in ma haun, its bill
Drapt like a lichtenin stob
Tae the fleggit shoals o bandies

I rypin the fishies' nursery o a littlin
Pebbles malagaroozed the soles o ma feet
Ma hairt explodit in triumph
Ower the teenie captive catched in the cloudy jar

Blytheness soored neist mornin
Fin, like a bonnie flooer crined
Wi ae night's frost
Ma bonnie bandie floatit, stiff an deid.

It wis a cowpit coracle
Teemed o the swackness o life


13. Exercise from the Oulipo movement, using the Lipogram method.
The Lipogram method involves excluding a consonant or a vowel from an entire work of writing. In the following poems only one vowel is allowed

DNA
DNA, ma daddy's plasma
Data o ma clan, ma pa's
Alpha da, ach ah can mynd
Pass't on asthma, a back-caa


Feeders
Ten wee cheepers, help themsels
Beech seeds feed teem belly needs
Screech, precedes sweet cheepers' creep
Squeeze red berry greedy feeds

Birds
Fin ilky twig sits big wi bird
Ilk wing is kingly flittrin
Bills singin, pipin, chirpin, fill
Licht wins wi bricht trills twittrin
Zippin in ivy, sikkin wirms
Hidin ilk bird's trig biggin

Jocky
Jocky, boozy, jowly
Ooto foxy shorts
Yo ho ho, bocht spotty
Socks Tom Ford oo vrocht

Scruffy
Ugly scruffy puppy
Grubs up fuzzy junk
Dubs, fugs, bugs, bum-slurry
Wruch wurly wurry lump


14. The Corpse Critiques the Kistin
It wis my siller, bit ye canna takk it wi ye
Ooto my pooch an inno the unnertakkers
Masel, I'd raither they treatit the bairns
Tae a wheech roon Paris Disney
Bit I'd nae say in maitters post mortem

The dirt some fowk cam oot wi at the viewin:
‘He's affa like himsel.' ‘He disnae luik weel'
‘ The unnertakker's pit on ower much makeup
He luiks like Dame Edna Everage in thon rouge'
‘D'ye think so? Na, I think it's jist the booze'

I canna say I warmed tae their choice o kist
A glorifeed wheelie bin vrocht like a coffin
Bit the crematoria tips the bodies oot
Like the waste bins dae intae the rubbish dumps
Frae bin tae fire, ye ken, syne a wee skoosh
It wis ready tae recycle, afore I gaed up the lum

The kirk service? I niver likit thon langamachies
Meenisters raxxin oot ae wee thocht fur an oor
Bit fitiver floats yer boat. I wisnae best suited
Tae see some fowk at the do I cudnae thole
Eneuch tae turn yer stammache some o thon chauncers

Fa's idea wis it that mourners should cam in fancy dress?
If I wisnae deid I'd hae cowked fin Scooby Doo,
Elvis, Captain Hook, Reid Ridin Hood, an Humpty Dumpty
Turned up. The funeral director was dressed as a ghaist
I thocht thon wis in gey puir taste

Flooers? Ae faimly wreath wi a Scottish twist
At least it wisnae plastic.They got thon richt.
Bit heavy metal frae Iron Maiden fur Music?
Plugs fur lugs should hae bin haundit oot tae aa
Haein the funeral tea at McDonald's wis inspired
Drive throwe, because o Covid.
Better than salmon paste sannies an a scone
An syne, the hinnereyn. Aisse, tae be poored
Oot intae the herbour, frae a plastic joog.
Ae pluffert o win blew me richt back ower their faces
Lauch? I nearly deed!

15. Hatches, Matches, Dispatches
Ilkie day, I buy the local papers
Charity blethers, weather, council maitters
Domestic stooshies, druggie daiths,
I read the sklaik; the doon an oots, the chorers
The reader's letters, ingle neuk debators

Ilkie day, the crosswird swackens ma harns
Fits in ma starns. Photies whyles frae the past
Arson in hooses an barns

An at the hinnereyn, obituaries.
I am noo ane o that breed
O baby boomers, at the heid o the queue
Ready tae jyne the deid

I scan the nemmes fur neebors, kinsmen,
Fowk that I hae kent. A twa three lines
Mynd me on transience

Whyles, I supply fit's missed atween the lines
Wis she a bosker, blawin bubbles at bairns' pairties?
Wis he an auld fart frae birth, a human fossil?
Wis she aywis contermaschious, the office smerty?

Wis her life a colour slide show, aywis static
Wis his, like a moose in hole
Better be quaet an borin than dramatic!

At the hinnereyn, the obituaries, twa days on
Are the morn's chip paper
Frae seed tae flooer tae aisse
Corruptions's in oor natur