Not Happy All Nights. Poem by Safiyyah Manjra

I feel terrible every time I break someone's heart,

I feel terrible each time I pretend it is okay.
I feel terrible when I rather have him stay.

I feel terrible when I really want to say yes.
I feel terrible when I answer every question as some random guess.

I feel terrible when I can't say I love you the same.
I feel terrible when you think I play you like some sort of game.

I feel terrible when I want to hold you,
I feel terrible when I yearn to hear your voice,
I feel terrible that I rather feel your hands, your lips, and hair.

I feel terrible at night when all I can give myself is a tear.
I feel terrible most when I toss and turn in my bed at night knowing you're not here.
I feel terrible knowing some other girl is there.
I feel terrible that I need you here.

I feel terrible knowing I pushed you away.
I feel terrible that I really wanted you to really stay.
I feel terrible…