Not Listening Poem by Johnnie Parker

My hearts pounding
The alarms are sounding
This is it
It’s all I can take
They said to hold on
They said to be strong
But I feel like I’m dying
And if I said I was happy I would be lying
What’s the point when every hope has died?
When every person you ever loved has told you only lies?
When every thought in your head leaves you more and more dead?
They try to tell me it’s not that bad
But how can they say that when it’s something they’ve never had?
It’s too late
Don’t try to stop me now
You had your chance
You didn’t take it
So when you see me under that white blanket,
Blood soaking through,
Remember that it was me that stripped my life naked
Nobody to blame for what I became
The outcome was my inner shame
You may never understand why
But I’m asking you please to never try
With me the answers will die
So at my funeral nobody should cry
I’m finally free
Free from me
Now this demon I will never be
Maybe you couldn’t see it
But I sure as hell did
When it started growing
I started slowing
It became stronger
The hurt went on longer
The pain became too much to maintain
I thought I could do it
But the pain ate at me like an acid fluid
I can hear them now saying “I knew it”
Knew I wouldn’t make it to eighteen
The path I’m on and the cards I’m dealt
Leave me only one move
To step into my grave,
The one I have dug
Ill fall for eternity until I finally hit ground
Don’t try to reach down now
I can’t be saved
My chest has already caved
I’m just waiting for that last breath
That one that will lead me to my death
I think back on my life
Seeing the memories pass me by
I would like to say I tried
But again that would be a lie
I never gave life all I had
I did nothing to redirect my path
That’s why I say I only have myself to blame
If I had tried I might actually still be alive
A thousand tears I’ve cried
In my own self hatred
I see the damage I have done
I see the hurt I have brung
All the responsibilities I have shun
These are the reasons I don’t want your tears
Cause I have caused enough throughout the years
My strength was from fear
The fear I always hid
I was so scared to live
And I was wrong in all I did
Only thing I knew how to do was love
But now I’m looking above
And no ones there
Cause no one cared
I guess my love was a one-way street
I guess I can’t blame you for that
Should have learned when I was getting nothing back
But now it’s not a problem cause my heart has turned black
I’m at the end of my road
I’m growing cold
I hear your screams to stop
But I’m not listening to what I’m told
No one ever took me seriously
Never listened to my words
The signs were there
Clear as day
Should I have spelt it out?
Cause it didn’t work when I’d shout
But I guess it doesn’t matter now
The shows over
I’ll take my bow
The curtains will close
You will all leave
And what happens to me?
No one knows
Cause after it all
Not one person heard a thing..