Not To Be Poem by Maya Reid

I hide each day under a mask of obedience
They say, “Jump! ” and I ask, “How high? ”
Why don’t They see how They have clipped my wings?
How, because of Them, I have no chance to fly?

They said They want me to be successful
But Their definition of success does not match mine
And I’m so tired of being what They want me to be
My destiny is just that – mine to design

They all expect great things from me
Look at the footprints in which I am supposed to follow
I wish I could tread upon untread ground
I wish They could feel how I feel: hollow

I’m supposed to follow footprints, but the shoe doesn’t fit
I refuse to change myself to fit Their mold
Somebody once said, “These are the best years of our lives.”
If that’s the case, there’s no sense in growing old

I cried myself to sleep, then woke up surrounded by darkness
My searching hands grasp cold metal on a shelf
Despair’s fog is too thick to even consider tomorrow
Quoting another Dead Poet, “to be or not to be” I ask myself

I shiver as the icy muzzle touches my temple
I’m so tired of Their game – I choose not to be
My last memory is of moving my finger
Mama always said that that pistol would be the death of somebody

Suddenly gravity disappears and I am floating
The first thing I see is a river of red
Then I see a boy wearing a look of longed-for peace
Then the situation’s gravity hits – that’s me lying there...dead

Then the images begin to play inside my head
Of the rest of the life I chose to no longer lead
“That’s not fair – You should have told me I wasn’t done! ” I scream
More than blood does from my body bleed

My cold and broken soul sobs over my cold and broken corpse
I am jerked back – a great force pulls me away
I wanted out of this life and lost it all; be careful what you wish for
No one answers as I beg, “I didn’t mean it – please let me stay.”

I was so young...I shouldn’t have given up this way
I shouldn’t have left everyone I know – Them included – with scars
And I could never go back to cruel, hard, sweet, beautiful, beautiful life
No second chance to let hope get rid of Their bars.