Samantha White

Rookie (September 21,1991 / Forestville, CA)

Numb - Poem by Samantha White

Staring at the sky through eyes blurred by tears,
Feeling so lost and helpless in this hateful world.
For so long she’s been trying to face her fears,
but what’s the use if no one cares?
She’s tried screaming but no one hears,
She’s tried so hard to hide her tears.
But how much longer can she hide the hurt?
That she’s been feeling for so many years.
Always hiding behind laughs and fake smiles,
never letting anyone see that side of her.
The side of her that would walk a million miles,
just to get away from the hate.
And to find someone that actually cares.
All the people she thought were her friends
Suddenly turned and said this is where it ends.
As they turned their backs and walked away from her,
She was left wondering “how long ‘till my heart mends? ”
They said she was crazy and out of her mind,
they said she wasn’t pretty or even smart.
If they looked deep inside they would probably find,
that girl is just like them.
The only difference is that they are mean,
so now she doesn’t even want to be seen.
They laugh and talk behind her back,
not caring about the hurt they caused.
She knew no other way to ease,
the pain that had slowly ruined her life.
Now she hides scars that no one sees,
No one sees the blood stained knife and sheets.
So quickly she goes from having no friends,
to having one very good friend.
She takes it with her wherever she goes,
using it when she wishes this life would just end.
Finally one day they noticed her wrist,
and made her hell of a life even worse.
They saw her pictures painted with a twist,
and said she was going insane.
They said she was crazy and dumb,
they didn’t understand that it made her numb.
Numb to the pain that others caused,
the pain she would bear for years to come.
Sometimes wishing she could sleep and never wake,
hardly ever thankful to be alive.
All she feels inside is and ache,
an ache that seems as if it will last forever.
Having no one to love but him,
the thought of him makes her eyes brim.
Her eyes brim with tears at the mention of his name,
Knowing he doesn’t really love her.
Her heart is broken as he says this has to end,
and he does what he promised he would never do.
He promised to never give her heart a need to mend;
now she knows it never will.
She never should’ve given him her heart;
She should’ve known he would rip it to pieces.
Now once again she is falling apart,
it seems she will never be whole.
Now she has resorted to the solution of pain,
Careful never to cut her vein.
No one really understood that it made her numb,
Numb to the pain that others caused.
The pain she would bear for years to come,
the pain that seems to never go away.

By: Samantha White

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, December 3, 2005

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