Vartika Pandey

Rookie - 0 Points (2/7/1997)

Ode To Agony - Poem by Vartika Pandey

Descending upon the throbbing flesh like a serpent
With venom exploding
From each bit of thy deceiving, stupefying frame
I view thee, as an offering
From my perpetual tragedy, my life
So awaited are thou!

Oh! So now my pain is my indulgence
My anxious stoic eyes now welcome thy arrival
For thou are my eternal acquaintance
Loathed foe and cherished soul mate
I admire thee!

How do thou come?
In the hours of deepest isolation
In the void of pain-drenched nothingness
In the obscurest of mind games
Tragedies and treacheries

In the darkest of nights
When all I perceive art thy eyes
Monstrous and gleaming
Agonizing, but tender
Thou embrace me, terrify,
Torment all of my being.

Coerce me to obliterate
The fossils of my compassion
And amend me to a stone
That walks, but never smiles
That resists but never debates
That lives, but is not alive.

Thou prevent me to step in a meadow
And pull with thyself in thy tyrannous low
I am bound to that intricacy though
And I worship thee, the imparter of woe!

Thou befall on me like tears
Shedding in the dusk, again
When all else is lost in winter frost
Thy umbra on me remains.

I witness thou as the messenger of my fate
The disgusted thing I’m sworn to be
My soul welcomes thou as mate
Thy truth, oh agony! I inscribe on me.

Regard to unison of devil and evil,
We shall both perish as one
I lost myself and thou found me
Oh agony! My only sanctum…..

Poet's Notes about The Poem

Ode To Agony was composed as an unconventional ode, to mourn the sensation of agony, felt by the tiresome recurrences of insomnia. The agony causes a lament which is not easy to let go of. A kind of stoicism develops for the agony and the lament. There often comes a point of time when we fail to revolt against it and we have to give in. We develop ourselves in such a way that we expect it to come, like unwelcome guests. We become its slaves and serve it dutifully, although we know that it is inappropriate.

I have tried to personify this kind of agony as immensely powerful and influential, in a dark shade, indeed, which is highly self absorbed and may even appear humble. In the few stanzas of beginning, the poet is meek and helpless. The lines which at one glance appear to be irony (I view thee as an offering) and sarcasm (So now my pain is my indulgence) are later found to be simple facts. There is always the thought that in whatever way agony is effective, it is only causing harm. In the later parts of the poem the poet gains strength from agony itself and becomes a similar state of being. The acceptance for agony’s superiority remains even after an imaginary feat. Though there are elements which clearly would depict the poet’s disgust for the feeling, yet, some parts also portray his resisting fascination for it.

This contradictory nature of poet’s mind makes the poem all the more realistic and the truth in its emotions is very acceptable even to the non– insomniacs.


©Vartika Pandey

Comments about Ode To Agony by Vartika Pandey

  • Utsav Patel (5/26/2013 1:10:00 AM)

    Agony and ecstasy both has beauty...
    I love this piece..
    Re read again and again...
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  • (5/6/2013 1:47:00 AM)

    I appreciate the feeling of almost co-dependency the poet appears to have with Agony. As though through the constant fimiliarity the poet feels both subjugated by, and also the ultimate goal of, Agony. Youve mentioned the feeling of the poet at the later stagest find a stronger voice, yet still giving superiority to the Agony. I heard instead the poet almost claiming ownership of the Agony, as though the poet was in fact the reason for Agony's existance, and had absorbed the Agony into the poets being.

    Also I did hear pride in the tone of the poem. That the poet in some way likens the attention of Agony as something that defines them. And a feeling that it is better to know and understand and embrace something negative, then to branch out into the unknown.
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Poem Submitted: Monday, May 6, 2013

Poem Edited: Monday, May 6, 2013

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