sahar alameddine

Rookie (11-5-1994 / tripoli)

Only Four Letters - Poem by sahar alameddine

they say the word 'love' means nothing till someone comes, at this moment 'love' becomes everything.
but these four letters could be behind someon's sufferance... i'll tell you about my story it's a true experience i had and it touched my tears till my eyes became red.

20th january 2012 i was surprised by my father's death i was sad, miserable, bounding from this fact, i was at home that becomes black, i was numb have nothing to say, feeling so alone crying in my room.when a friend of mine went online, we started talking and i was relaxed, i changed my idea of him being a jerk, and kept on enjoying talking to him, he was so sweet and at the same time kind of weird, but his weirdness made me interested of knowing his personality more.
time has passed and i finally went to school we started to talk more, till we became so close he asked me out on a trip with the class, i said 'yes now i'm your date ', he replied ' well yes you are but just for one day ', i felt kind of annoyed but i accepted the situation of me and him are in the friends zone.

that day came and we went together to this cold trip, he was holding my hands all the time, looking at my eyes , i was happy and i felt like hello i'm nt alone anymore! ! till i slept on his shoulder and felt his warm i was relaxed it was a good time, so he left and went home so did i, but we continued our conversation online. four words we revealed so we became extremely in love.

till one other day came out, and we went to a school trip together again, there in the wild we kissed for the first time, he was romantic, sweet and caring all the time, i hugged his body and looked at his eyes, telling him ' i love you ' and him ' so do i! '. i thought things will work out, and the happiness of my heart didn't let me see the other side, of his personality, you know they say with time people change and then things will be re-arranged.

it's easter now and he's far away, i am at home ' when will i see you i miss your face ' and he was' baby i miss you too but i have no car what can i do ' i told him ' hunny i don't know just try to make it up, i don't know how, i just wanna see, hug you and kiss your lips, u know i really missed you ' and he was like ' hunny i wish, just give me some time i hope everything will be alright '.

but days have passed, and our vacation was about to end, and fire flames has burned my patience.i finally decided to tell him ' baby what about me or my face you don't wanna see' he replied ' i'm doing my best 'and at the end he was not! we got into this fight ended by me apologizing ' baby i'm sory i got emotional 'he forgave me and finally we went out together, that was the last time i saw him and spoke to him...

we went to that place where green trees we sat there talked and hugged we kissed but i ddnt feel what i used to fee, l i knew there's something wrong will happen but< no words >i just remained my silence, for sure i had to leave, i went home so did he, we continued talking days after this final date, but inside of me something weird i felt.

in a night talking online he was kind of mean talking to me, i got angry and sad at the same time, what did i do to him? ? i decided to fall asleep on talking to him avoiding te get into a fight again!

the next day i woke up on a line saying ' i'm sory i don't know what happened to m, e i ddnt mean to hurt you forgive me ' i was really pissed of of him getting my attention and i am not! ! what the hell he thinks i'm a wall with no feelings or what! ? , i have had enough that day, i wanted to confess what i'm feeling towards him, so i started by saying ' well one question i want to ask, i want u to be completely honest with this task, when i'm not around you feel like u dnt have feelings for me and when i am you feel like u do? ' he said ' yes that's the way i feel right now, ' i continued ' well you knw this is not true love, i am telling you ' he was ' every word i said was true, and i was completely honest with you ' i wrote to him ' well if you really love me distance won't be the problem, our feelings will be stronger than everything ' and he replied to me by ' hmmm ' so i asked ' what are you thinking about ' he said ' about our relationship and what could happen, ' and then i replied and said ' well 4 options choose one of them, the 1st was to forget everything and start all over again, he said he ddnt understand! ! , so i was like forget, the 2nd was to brake up, and he ddnt agree, so i went the the 3rd which was the friend zone, he ddnt comment, the 4th was to act like we never met, and he also ddnt agree on what i said, ' i told him the 3rd option i cannot chose, bcz you and me being friends this will not come true, if you can be my friend just my friend, i just can't! ! because i love you and love cannot turn to the just friends! ! ' he agreed' well u're right, i cannot do that either, it will be difficult to forget what was between us, ' and then i said ', the 4th option is the right one for you and for me but u knw what, u could've say lets give it sometime but you never did, ' and suddenly he slapped me on my face with an answer i couldn't ever imagine, ' i knew it won't work out and one day we'll brake up ' a lover cant expect to leave his love so i discovered he didn't loving me... i was angry, upset, and completely unhappy, so my final answer was ' you know what ur friend was right u never loved me, even though i did, i was honest, loyal, caring and u were not, but i'll still have this image of you, the person i loved, now you may leave my thoughts and my mind, i'll try to forget about you with time '.

we never talked again...
when i got back to school, i saw him numb and suddenly tears have poured... he smiled i couldn't imagine him smiling while i was crying!

i ran to the bathroom and started to lament, i don't wanna see him anymore i cannot hear him laughin, while i am burning from the inside... but time healed my broken heart, i still love him i do have feelings for him even though i'm not sure he does.
now i sit in the classroom sneaking at him, to see his face to remember our days, i saw him in my dream where we talked, he was so sweet and i got blushed, but unfortunately it was only a dream away from what is real.

this was my story an experience i had, what i can tell is love heals broken hearts, but at the same time 4 letters can be the reason of broken feelings and broken wounds.

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012

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