Order Your Disorder Poem by ben Wenzle

hello?
welcome to therapy!
may I take your disorder?
are you feeling mentally ill?
then we've got the pill for you!
Just call us!
at 1-800-stressed depressed but well dressed!

did drake's critically acclaimed album turn you into a sobbing mess on the floor?
did a shirtless picture of Harry Styles make you want to commit suicide?
GEE WILLICKERS!
you must have
DEPRESSION!
HOLD ON
don't get too sad!
nowadays you can get that printed on a t-shirt!


parents if your kids are easily distracted, don't worry!
because For $65.95 you can get a whole month supply
of Adderall!
A WHOLE MONTH SUPPLY! !
you can even share it with your friends at parties!
just don't forget to save a little for yourself
so you can actually pass your classes!
it's 8 o'clock in the morning!
why do you have so much energy?
doggone it' Willard!
YOU must have:
ADH- ADH- ADHD!


Does your child have trouble adapting socially?
do they move like you're divorced aunt does when she's had one too many drinks at the family reunion?
LET'S TAKE A CALL FROM ONE OF OUR VIEWERS! ! !
Doctor…
can you diagnose me?
these past few days have been hard for me…
Ever since American Horror Story ended I just haven't been myself…
Usually every morning I get a venti frappuccino but nowadays my stomach can only handle a tall!

WELL YOU MUST HAVE PTSD

OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. WE HAVE ANOTHER CALL. HAVE A NICE DAY.

Doctor…
can you diagnose me?
I can't stop moving, I can't keep focus
my attention span is as short as lebron james hairline-
did you know lebron has 2 championships and kobe has 4?
that's so amazing to me I always wanted to go to the nba

HOLD YOUR HORSES BUDDY
sounds like you have ADHD


thank you for your calls!
don't forget to buy a shirt or phone case
from your favorite supporter and EXPLOITER of mental disabilities Brandy Melville!
for shipping and handling details-
call us at 1-800-stressed depressed but well dressed!


thank you for your calls!
don't forget to buy a shirt or phone case
from your favorite supporter and EXPLOITER of mental disabilities Brandy Melville!
for shipping and handling details-
call us at 1-800-stressed depressed but well dressed!

but don't tell your family-
they'll tell you to hide it
but don't tell your teachers-
they'll send you to a separate room to take your tests
but don't tell your friends-
because they'll never understand
BECAUSE YOU CAN BUY A CROP TOP THAT GLORIFIES YOUR DEPRESSION
BUT YOU CAN'T RETURN IT TO THE STORE ONCE YOU'VE HAD YOUR FILL
mental breakdowns in the bathroom aren't as pretty as the text posts make them seem
you will not sit there thinking of all the notes this will get on your tumblr once you edit out your screams

You'll think:
why can't I do anything right
why can't I feel my knees
this is not tragically beautiful
it just smells like pee
AND WE'RE BACK! ! !
so DON'T forget!
IF YOU'RE FEELING MENTALLY ILL
THEN WE'VE GOT THE PILL
for YOU!
just call us!
welcome to therapy
may I take your disorder?