Herbs 'n Planz
Papalongevity - Poem by Herbs 'n Planz
Said the Pope you descendants from apes
come in various colours and shapes.
We protect and we serve
while you do have a nerve
to taste Sauerkraut even in grapes.
He was speaking in Munich last Spring
it's where gnomes and Black Forest elves sing.
All the locals drink beer
which does make it appear
that they don't really give a....well, thing.
They were wearing their Hosens of lather
you'll see thousands of those where they gather
in the city's own square
under halogens' glare
it looked much like a wide open slather.
To Australia the Pope also came,
ordained as sudden thirst without shame.
For no altar boy saw
where their obvious flaw
would lead when their frocks were hung from frame.
So the Holy man scolded the masses
said that Lucifer's foul-smelling gasses
had polluted their minds
so that bourgeois behinds
were now known to the people as asses.
And the donkey that once led to you
With Jesus on top, still in stew
Had retired to the farm
Wanting peace and no harm
But his preference was zebra in zoo.
All enclosures were tagged Noah's claim,
Evolution banned, like Darwin's name.
Llamas holy in glow
all the snails being slow
and the crocs and the lions were tame.
Prayers ascended as shining beacon,
looking down was the scapegoat, the Deacon,
who was stuck in the pew
with a nun and her dew,
he had once been a good Puerto Rican,
taken in as a man celibate
an incumbent intent for each mate.
He had vowed very loud
that his mum would be proud
then he learned how to masturbate.
A declaration went out on the stars:
'God's universally central, not Mars!
No condoms allowed
to cloak that white cloud,
no raindrops contained in golden jars.'
'All vestibules must have a Bible belt
wrapping middles in soft leather and felt
But the nuns in their habits
may wear furry rabbits
to warm skin carried close to their pelt.'
God himself looked at what he'd created
and he sneezed when he saw that they'd rated
all his efforts as nil
and compared it to swill
in the end He was lightly sedated.
And the Devil, whose job is to spite
all the goodness sent down from a height,
had the giggles for days
so he made some more gays
then he vanished again in the night.
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