Payin My Dues Poem by Clyde Watanabe

Yeah, I know I done a lot of stuff
Wasn't just the wrong place, wrong time
Like so many in the 'hood
Getting into trouble was easy when younger
Part of the lifestyle and need to be someone
Fed this crazy hunger.

I don't know why I done so much wrong
Mama made sure I knew what was right
When nobody cared, she was always there
I know I caused her a lot of pain and harm
All those years as her wayward son
Yet I could find my way back to a loving arm.

I'm sure I took a lot for granted
When you lose it all, knocked off your feet
Because it really was my own fault
Her heart probably sank at the news
I done the crime
I'm paying my dues

You'd think I would learn and change
But somehow you get sucked right back in
The old ways return even with the scars
You know it really comes down to a choice
But it's like you just can't change
You just can't shake this voice

It tells you that it's okay
To give in to temptations that sway
Your heart and emotions and desires
Until you reach that point of no return
You know there just might not be another chance
Change now, or crash and burn

It's not about the verdict and paying my dues
The chances ignored, the life not lived
I was paying all along with so many wasted years
Yeah the price was high but I didn't know
Til you get just so tired of all those tears

I never was strong enough to do it on my own
To cut my ties, to not buy the lies
I thought I tried but not really inside
It took my heart to finally be broken
Things came clear and I came to realize
All my efforts were just a token

Through all those times I held to the hope
Hidden in my heart that my life would mean something
Didn't know I wasn't ready, just didn't understand
That Jesus paid the price, He paid the dues
So I would always have that hope
So I finally quit cryin' the blues.

I can see Him so clearly now
My vision is not so obscured
So many years of wandering
While I was paying my dues
I have to laugh, He was there all along
Right there with me, He was the good news