Pills Comments

I don't think that this poem needs to rhyme. It would be much stronger if rhyme were not involved. It also doesn't seem to help with the rhyme's weird syllabic count or beat. Maybe if you altered the lines a bit, rearranged and deleted. I'd take out the line 'she screamed at the top of her voice' because it throws off the reader. In this line you are speaking in third person while the rest of the poem is in first person. You probably want to find a synonym for the word 'shattered'. The line 'Hospital once more'. The line 'I continue to oevrdose on pills' seems unnecessary. The reader will know that the person is overdosing on pills because the title is 'Pills'. Use more imagery, the reader will figure it out. You had nice imagery in the 'Heavenly angels', 'shattered bones' and 'Hit the floor' lines. Abstract it a little. Make it almost like an illusion or a hallucination so the reader can get the feeling of overdosing.