Poor Old Mum! Poem by VICTORIA GEORGE

Another true story - which may not be funny to anyone who doesn't know my mum!

I popped in to see mum today
She lives in the house right next door
I asked if she was okay
And could I help with some chores?

She sat down when I came in
Saying how she needs a new hip
She looked pretty frail and quite thin
Said her back was giving her gip

Into the kitchen I went
Asked could I cook her some-thing?
“Yes, a little light nourish-ment….
Just two pork pies and some gin”

“Also, while you are there
You can fry me two eggs and some ham
A few toasted slices of bread
Don’t stint with the butter or jam”

I asked should I do some house-work
She feebly replied “Oh yes please!
I’d do it myself if I could…
But I suffer with arthritic knees”

“I’m a martyr to all my complaints
I know that I don’t say a lot
But my corpuscles, arteries and veins
Are now quite totally blocked”

“My digestive system’s packed up
I can only eat meals that are small
Light nourishment’s all I can sup
I’m surprised I’m still here at all”

I then got the brush and the mop
And started to clean round about
I told her I’d be going to the shops
Did she want a Chinese take-out?

“Just sweet and sour pork for today
With chow mein with lots of fried rice
A side dish of chicken satay
And a dish of spring rolls would be nice”

“Thank you for cleaning the tiles
I’m off to the tea dance with Gus
For a spot of light exer-cise
By the way, you’ve forgotten to dust”

copyright Victoria George